This is part 1 of I don’t know how many about Bible Study aka Small Groups.  Today’s topic will be on why I don’t or didn’t or have not gone to or wanted to go to Small Groups.  And I think that, probably a lot of people who don’t go share the same reasons.

Let’s start off with the fact that people scare me, group discussions scare me, and sharing scares me.  It is incredibly uncomfortable for me to be in such “discussion” settings – this does not only apply to the topic of Bible Study but also to classes where they had those mini “discussion” classes in addition to the large lectures.  So what is so scary about it?  Well, I’m not very good at words, I’m not a verbal person.  I am much better and feel much more comfortable expressing myself in writing.  But perhaps it stems down to being afraid to say what you think or being afraid to ask questions.

I often feel like people in Small Groups already “know it all”.  What’s all?  I’m not sure I can define that, but I do feel that these people are at a much deeper level than I’m at.  So to go into the group and not know what the heck is going on is quite intimidating.  People are much more advanced at their knowledge of the Bible and God and Christianity and honestly, I’m not.

It has been a very very long time since I went to a Bible Study (other than this week and last week).  I think I went to a few in college.  I think it could have even been less than a handful.  I felt incredibly uncomfortable and I don’t feel like I fit in or was very welcomed.  So I stopped going.  It’s also been a very long time and by long I mean years and years and years that I’ve navigated around in the Bible.  I mean, at church I flip to whatever passage the sermon is about and that’s about it.  Because it’s been so long, I actually don’t even remember where all the books of the Bible are.  I did at one point.  And so, that’s embarrassing.  I don’t want to go to a Bible Study and not even know where Isaiah is or be able to flip quickly to I Corinthians.  Also, while everyone knows about this person, that event, and the whole history and everything behind it, I really don’t know anything.  So I feel very self-conscious about my knowledge, like embarrassed to not know all about Paul’s life or whoever.  And to me, it feels as if you already have to know all this when you go to a Small Group because that’s what people talk about and refer to.  And well, even though you are supposed to feel comfortable asking questions, it’s not comfortable at all.  Oh, and I don’t like small group praying, but that’s a different story.

Because of all the reasons listed above, it just makes me not want to go.  And so I avoid Small Groups and feel very awkward and uncomfortable when people ask me why I don’t want to go.  In Part 2, I’ll tell you why I went last week.