I want to say that life isn’t supposed to be stressful. Is that true? It isn’t supposed to be? Maybe it is.
The past 2 months of my life have been fairly calm and unstressful. Most things have been pretty gravy with the exception of my injuries. Sometimes I wonder if God puts people into situations where they’ll seek Him because otherwise, they might not. It’s pretty easy to put God aside when you don’t desperately need something. At least I find myself doing that sometimes. Prior to the last 2 months, I was in one of the worst shapes (emotionally) in my life. Day in and day out, I dreaded each day. I felt like I was sinking into a depression. I seeked God with a desperation that I haven’t experienced before – asking Him, pleading for Him to save me. Seeking him constantly. Constantly. And save me He did. And as I find myself in a situation that is so far opposite from what I was experiencing before, I also know that I haven’t been seeking God as desperately, with such fervor, with such frequency as before. Sounds bad, but it’s true.
And as I find myself dealing with this stupid knee and ankle injury that has been lingering, I find myself wondering if this is part of God’s plan to make me come back and seek Him more. I know, I know. Blaming God for my problems, right? But maybe He does do things like that. He puts you in situations to learn, to bring you closer to Him, to rely on Him. Because it’s weird. It’s been nearly 2 months since I’ve been pretty off my legs. Why isn’t it getting better? The ankle is especially weird. Normal ankle injuries hurt for a few weeks but then they’re fine after. How can it still be messed up after 2 months?!?! That is a little odd. The knee, the knee has actually been feeling worse this week. I’m a little skeptical of this physical therapy business. I find myself wallowing in self-pity because I can’t participate in things. I know, people are worse off. At least I can walk, at least I have legs – you can go on and on. But, I will still wallow in my self-pity. I used to be able to just run and play football, basketball, volleyball, softball, run, frisbee – anything – jump down stairs, bootcamp, anything with quick movement. Now I can just walk and even walking sometimes hurts. Sleeping hurts my leg when I toss and turn. Walking down the stairs hurts. Seems far from getting better. I’ve prayed about it some but I guess I haven’t gotten to the point where I am desperately asking God to heal me. However, as I’m thinking more and more about my lack of progress – I’m getting there and maybe that’s where He wants me.
But then it worries me, what if my legs get better, then what? What else is going to happen where God is going to want me to desperately seek Him even though I should do it all the time – in good times and bad? This is where fearing God comes to life. Although, I’m not sure it should be this way. I’m not sure of much.
And talk about added on stress that hadn’t been on my mind for awhile. I feel a little abandoned. And it kind of sucks. But I think I need to spend some time thinking about this new situation before writing more about it.
I guess life can only be stress-free for so long. Until God wants your attention.
I think that situations just happen to us and God watches to see how we react (of course He is there supporting us and giving us what we need throughout the whole process too). He doesn’t prevent stuff from happening to us unless He knows that we can’t handle it. I see it more as “God lets life happen.” But it’s up to us to see what we’re going to do with life. Do we come before His throne singing praises to His name? Do we wallow in our misery? Do we try to blame God? Do we take what life gives us and bring glory to His name because of it?
In my experience, when life happens, God always gives us an amazing opportunity to do something with it. So maybe instead of looking at your situation and all the stuff that you CAN’T do, try to look at what CAN you do because of your situation. Maybe you have more time to read a book, to rest, to support others in their exercise (bring water, be the cheerleader, cook for them)… you WERE using a ton of time to run and exercise… find what you can now do with that time as a way to glorify Him.
God doesn’t want you to waste your time, He wants you to see what else is out there.
Just because you can’t RUN doesn’t mean you can’t GO.
Oh and God ALWAYS wants your attention. He craves it. His love for us is so deep, that He is ALWAYS pursuing us.