I’ve begun to open more and more of Pandora’s box.  It’s a bit liberating.  It’s a bit crazy.

As I dig and dig, it has become very apparent that something I extremely value is trust.  It takes me a lot to trust and when I get to that point and the trust gets broken – it rubs me the wrong way.  It was interesting.  I was asked if something ever happened that made me value trust so much.  Was I betrayed or wronged in the past?  Did something major happen?  Nothing I can think of off the top of my head.  I think I try to be a trustworthy person and when it isn’t reciprocated, it’s not to my liking.  Maybe it’s because I’m a private person.  Who knows…?

I’m tired.  I’m tired of it all.  Tired of it everyday.  I have to pump myself up everyday.

I’m revisiting my options.  I’m trying to discern.  I’m looking for direction.  I’m learning to trust.  I don’t know what’s going to happen and I don’t know when something is going to happen.

Fighting the good fight doesn’t work anymore.  It’s not worth it.

I went to the beach today.  Just sat there, prayed, read through James.  There was some pretty good stuff in there.  I think I will re-read it again.

As I was leaving, this girl started talking to me.  I must have had the talk to me sign on.  However, it wasn’t weird this time and it was actually a nice conversation and I actually felt more happy and positive after talking to her even though it wasn’t about anything.  She was new to the area and was asking about what other places there were to walk around.  We small talked about what she liked to do.  I thought about asking her to come to church but I didn’t.  I figure I’ll save that for later.  I told her I would go have boba with her sometime.  She doesn’t know anyone.  Maybe she can become a part of Exodus.