I’m still trying to figure it all out.  As the last days approach, it’s still difficult.  I feel like I just continue to be ripped apart – that I can’t be freed without being torn to shreds, without being brought down in anyway they can.

I’m trying to remember what L. told me awhile back – that God will protect His people – that nothing is going to crumble until I’m out.

I’m just struggling to hold on right now.  They will take anything they can from me and wear me thin up until the very last minute.

It never ceases to get crazier, to get worse – to cease.  Never.

Because they can’t stand the sight of someone being happy or successful.  They can’t possibly understand someone else’s perspective.  They can’t understand the need to defend your own people.

I am so tired.  I just want it to end.  The countdown has begun – so close yet so far away.

Please God, just help me last, help me have no fears, help me triumph over them, let it be in my favor, let Your glory shine, help me send a message, Your message, be with me every single second in my actions and words, let me conquer those fighting against me, let me be courageous, let Your power take over, overcome, show them what they’re doing and what they’ve done, help them make realizations, help them change.

—

Troubles chasing me again,
Breaking down my best defense,
I’m looking, God, I’m looking for you
Weary just won’t let me rest and fear is filling up my head.
I’m longing, God I’m longing for you

But I will find you in the place I’m in, find you when I’m at my end,
Find you when there’s nothing left of me to offer you except for brokenness.
You lift me up, you’ll never leave me thirsty,
When I am weak, when I am lost and searching
I’ll find you on my knees.

-Kari Jobe