and you’ll get burned.
Author Archives: The Yellow Forest
Restless
A lot has been on my mind lately – kind of whirlwind-ish.
Spinning. Spinning.
I have a headache. Not a physical pain one – a mental pain one? Does that even make sense?
There’s a lot to be praying for in many aspects of my life and in other people’s lives. There’s a lot I’m thinking about. There are a lot of things going on.
My mind is tired.
P.U.S.H.
I remember reading this post from Jaeson Ma not too long ago, I like it:
P.U.S.H. = Pray Until Something Happens
The way to get real-life results in prayer is to seek God with an attitude that says, “No matter how long it takes, or whatever I have to do, I will not be denied”. This is not arrogance, it’s Godly hunger. It is not about pushing God, but about pushing yourself into God. This is not praying for the sake of praying. This is praying to see the hand of God move. This is desperate hungry praying. This is the type of prayer that gets answers.
Then He spoke a parable to them, that men always ought to pray and not lose heart, (Luke 18:1 NKJV)
Standstill
Dear Unannounced Mission Bowl Date,
You are putting my life to a complete standstill and frankly it’s been getting very frustrating. =
I’m trying to go to Vegas with my friends but I can’t because I need to hold practices and prepare the team.
I’m trying to go to Taiwan with my family but the plans are sort of up in the air because I’m invested in the team and it doesn’t seem right to lead the team up to the tournament date only to say, “hey I’m going on vacation.” Plus, I actually want to play too.
I signed up for a half marathon at the end of April – please don’t be that weekend. I already had a hard time picking one because of how “up in the air” the date is.
People are getting married. R&J, T&K. I need to be at those.
I need to get commitments. I need to order jerseys. I need to finalize things. I don’t want to have wasted everyone’s time in the past few months.
I know it’s hard to find a field. My advice for next year would be to look a year in advance.
But please just announce the date – even if it’s way later. At least, I can go on with my life.
Yes, the announced date is really putting my life at a standstill.
Please.
Also, that will keep everyone from asking me and asking me and asking me when it is – because I obviously don’t know.
Thanks.
I feel like…
…life is being sucked out of me. I’m so tired of it. Sometimes you pick your battles. Sometimes you defend yourself. Sometimes you just give in because maybe you don’t care anymore, maybe it isn’t worth fighting for, maybe it doesn’t really matter anyway.
I’m tired…mentally tired. I’m drained.
There’s no progress and with the way things are going – there isn’t going to be any.
Let’s sit around and twiddle our thumbs. Let’s fight about nothing.
Don’t complain about how things are when you are in full power to change them – don’t tell me that this and that are all wrong and it shouldn’t be done that way and not have an answer when I ask what way you want to do it and how you’re going to do it.
I’m not really interested in arguing for the sake of arguing either. I used to fight the good fight. Now, you can win – do what you want cause I throw in the towel. It’s not worth it anymore.
So tired of it all…
Interesting
Not necessarily the good kind. How strange, how strange. A bit mind boggling? A bit unsettling? Yes. All of the above.
Friday, come faster.
More Than You Can Imagine
M. sent over a verse this morning. Ephesians 3:20.
“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us”
I really like this verse. It’s a reminder of how great and powerful God is. He can do MORE than we ask, MORE than we can even imagine. God already knows our hearts, He knows our thoughts, He knows everything we’re going to ask Him before we even do it. Often times when we pray or seek God, I think we have an idea of how we want things to go. If things happen like X, then it’ll be great. Maybe sometimes we pray for something and end result but we don’t know how we’re going to get there. God can do some amazing things – and just the fact that HE can do more than we can even imagine – it’s mindblowing. He can do things you can’t even think of! How crazy is that? I love it. I think sometimes we’re too narrow minded – we forget how great our God is. The verse was a good reminder that God can do anything. He can answer prayers in mind blowing ways. So it’s good – good to pray boldly – good to entrust in a God that is so much bigger than us – good to believe that He is with us and He hears us. :)
The Unknown
The unknown scares me. A lot.
I’m not sure why but it has always been like that. I’m a planner. I like to be in the know. I like to know what’s going to happen. I guess I’m a bit of a control freak. And when I don’t know what’s going to happen, it scares me and it takes a lot of pushing for me to move forward. That doesn’t mean I don’t ever move. It just takes some nudging.
I’m about to throw myself into the unknown some more. And you’ll find that I do intentionally do this on my own sometime. This is so I can grow. Difficult situations build character. Exploration and risks take boldness. Sometimes it takes doing something uncomfortable to be more comfortable. Sometimes, I have to venture into the unknown. And while I may be reluctant to, I know it’s for the better.
Sometimes I just won’t. And I think it’s okay too. Sometimes it just takes time.
But right now, right now, I’m throwing myself into the unknown and I’m scared. I shouldn’t be scared, but I am. I shouldn’t be scared because I should trust. Because if it is what God wants, He’ll get me there. I just need to be reminded of that. How can you be afraid of something that might be good?
2011 Year in Review
[Note: I started writing this near the end of 2011 and have finished it now near the end of January. That’s why some of the tenses may sound weird.]
2011 is coming to a close and I’m kind of ready for it to be over. I was re-reading my old posts and was looking to see what 2010 was about and it seemed as if everything was just moving so fast, quick and non-stop. Speed and growth – I guess growth was a huge part. 2011 seemed to be pretty speedy too. I remember early on in the year, I had planned on doing so many things and really didn’t do much. Every weekend was booked with something – at least that’s what it felt like. I think it calmed down a bit towards the end of the year which was good.
Usually when I’m up in LA, I have a lot of time on my hands so I spend it re-reading old posts or making multiple posts in a day. Haha. I remember one post saying that 2011 was the year of conflict which is kind of a sad thing. I would say that it was sort of a reoccurring theme in many parts of my life but it seems like things have been looking a bit on the bright side towards the latter part of the year and by that I just mean a few weeks. Not everything was bad throughout the year – I mean there were a lot of good things too! I think sometimes though, it’s easier to let the bad things weigh more than the good things. But really, it should probably be the other way around.
So what all happened this year? A lot – not in chronological order.
Team United
Team United happened early in the year and it happened in November and it’s happening now. We WON Mission Bowl earlier in the year. It seems like a blur to me. I can’t even remember much of it. In fact, I actually don’t feel pressured to win this year. I think the pressure I usually feel is just to play well and make sure that people are having fun. Read more about Team United Turkey Bowls here.
Baptism
I got baptized on April 10, 2011 at La Jolla Shores, San Diego. Read the short version of my testimony.
SoCal Mayhem
Hey, I was a semi-pro basketball player for 2 days! I went to two practices and got my butt kicked. I dragged C. and K. along with me. We even made the team picture which we did not want to be in since we didn’t want to play. Ok, ok, we weren’t really on the team but it sure is funny that we made the roster. Totally not good enough to be playing this kind of basketball. Craziness. But at least now I can sort of say I was on the team. Haha. =P
Business Travels
I traveled a lot throughout the year. If you don’t know…I don’t actually like traveling. I don’t like the act of traveling – if only we could teleport! I don’t like planes, trains, buses, and I especially dislike boats. I had to travel a lot for work – way too much. I went to Chicago in February where I saw it snow for the very first time! I’ve seen snow before but I had never seen it actually fall from the sky. It was pretty awesome. It was also freaking cold. Let’s just say this Southern California girl has no apparel fit for snowy weather. In my business clothes which consisted of slacks (that I wore black long tights under), a tank top, dress shirt, sweater, jacket, and pea coat, plus a scarf, and gloves, I walked to the client office from the hotel. It was kind of neat to walk to “work”. It was not cool when I nearly slipped while crossing the street and spilled coffee all over myself. I also went to North Carolina in April for a conference. I got to visit Duke’s campus. It was pretty and I really liked it. I also went up to LA for a conference and stayed in SD for another conference. That’s a lot of traveling for someone who doesn’t like it that much. Conferences are tiring. Thinking about all this traveling makes me tired.
Non-Traditional 5Ks
A bunch of us participated in Warrior Dash and Beach Palooza 5Ks. Both obstacle 5Ks, we were looking to have some fun. F., C, and I got awesome “costumes” from Walmart for Warrior Dash. We had Agent P, Cookie Monster, and I was Oscar the Grouch (how fitting). The Warrior Dash was fun because we all waited for each other and were able to cheer each other on. The obstacles were much more fun than the Beach Palooza. The Warrior Dash was also cool because we had a bunch of people who normally wouldn’t sign up for this type of thing do it and complete it and enjoy it! I love it when that happens. Though we took so long to go through the course, we nearly came in last place. Haha. Next time, we run. After all the excitement of Warrior Dash, we quickly jumped on Beach Palooza. Beach Palooza was lame! The obstacles were weak and the whole thing was on soft sand. Have you ever tried running on soft sand? For miles…? OMG, it sucked. I gave them a pretty bad review. It’s okay though because we had good company and were able to make a mini road trip out of it which is always fun.
Housing
Wow, housing was a whirlwind. Talk about major major conflict. I’ve never been in so many uncomfortable conversations and situations in my life. It was really hard and it was really stressful. Not everyone can live together – it’s true. Different living styles can totally conflict. Different expectations can also create a massive amount of drama. Communication is key. Lessons learned: communicate, evaluate, speak early, and extend grace. All of which I think everyone can take away.
The Great Black Out of San Diego
I can’t even remember when this was – I think it was in the summer. Nearly all of San Diego was blacked out. It was a little crazy. I remember we were at the office thinking it was just the area when I started checking the Facebook on my phone and realized it was a much larger area. We should have left the office immediately to avoid the crazy traffic but by the time they let us leave, the traffic had already gathered onto the street our office was on which is an inside street! It took me a long while to get to MOL’s but not nearly as long as F’s 2 hour trip. We spent the night playing Poker, newly named, “Well, I have a flush.” We hoped that the power would stay out so we wouldn’t have to go to work tomorrow. People freaked out. We stopped by the grocery store to buy ice to keep O’s milk cold and the grocery store was crazy packed. It was like some crazy disaster had happened and everyone and their mom had to stock up. It was ridiculous. We left upon seeing the craziness. It was fun to just hang out with friends all night. I’m so blessed for these awesome people in my life. It’s amazing to see how much of people’s lives can be affected by no power. It really shows you how much we rely on. It’s like people couldn’t function!
Running
I started running. At first, we started running to train for Beach Palooza. We’d run around the neighborhood sometimes, though F. was much more disciplined about it than I was. We would run on Saturday’s with C. Then, I started running more with C. I remember I couldn’t even run 1 mile back in the middle of last year. Now, I’m at about 6 miles! It’s crazy. Progress is crazy and it’s doable. It was slow and takes effort. I remember I would still continue to go with C. to run around the park at her house. At the beginning, it was do 1 lap, rest, and do another lap. Then, I pushed myself to do 2 laps without resting. It was tough. Really tough. Then, 3. Then, we started running the canyon loop. I remember the first time I did it, it was so hard. I had deemed it one of the most difficult runs. Nowadays, that’s the loop we do when we run in the mornings. When I started running it, it took me 39 minutes. The goal was under 35 minutes. Guess what? The last two times, I made it under 35 minutes! I’ve been trying to run faster and more efficiently throughout the loop so that I don’t have to push myself so hard at the end. I think it really works out to work on building up to distance first and then speed. Then one time I tried to push myself to make it around Miramar Lake. I think I’ve run the lake 2 more times since that first time and I still haven’t been able to hit that time. The past few Saturdays, we’ve been running the canyon. It’s tough but it’s good. And now, I even go and run in the mornings around here on my own! I’d never thought I’d ever say that it feels good to run. But it does, I’ve never been so fit in my life. Being able to see and remember progress is awesome. Although, I really wish I could run as fast and for as long as C. Crazy. What’s next? Maybe a half. Maybe the La Jolla half. That’s at the end of April. Maybe.
Weight Loss
I already kind of wrote about this in another post but it’s been amazing as well. I figured out how to do it. To lose 1 pound a week, you need to get rid of 3,500 calories whether it be from food or via exercise. I just started changing my eating habits, eating healthier foods and eating less. When I was hungry, I would eat fruit instead of chips or other snacks. I would eat pretty well during lunch and I also stopped eating out for the most part. Different eating habits paired up with running/exercising and bam, that’s how you do it. It is that simple. It just takes a lot of will power, discipline, determination, and effort. It’s totally doable though!
Gong
Yeah, that’s in Chinese, you can figure it out. It’s been crazy. Actually, it always is crazy. It’s stressful. I’ve lost the passion, I’m less happy. My role is unclear. The straw that broke the camel’s back hit. It’s over.
Baby O
I’m so blessed to be a part of Baby O’s life! He is so cute and adorable. I love him. I love watching him grow – he’s grown so much mentally and physically. SO CUTE!
CMC
CMC came and went. It was an amazing conference put together with a lot of hard work and dedication from a lot of people. It’s impressive to see something like that come together – it’s amazing to see God move His people. I heard so much positive feedback about it, it’s crazy. The stories that S. tells are pretty mind blowing. As we begin to do what God calls us to do, we can see Him orchestrate everything right before our very eyes. To see the whole year of work that S. put in and all the stress she dealt with come together in full production is neat. To hear that it was all worth it – that makes me happy.
Yeah, I can’t think of what else right now. I guess this post was a bit different from previous years – mostly listing a bunch of things that happened. There was also just a lot of conflict in all parts of my life that happened throughout the year. I think 2011 was really about trusting God and relying on Him for everything. People are messy. Really messy. It’s tough. We all have a lot of pride and we’re self-absorbed and self-seeking. That’s why there’s so much conflict. Can’t see eye to eye. People will always fail you but God will never fail us. I also spent a lot of time in prayer and seeking God throughout the year. Prayer is so crucial and so powerful. And this is something I have to constantly remind myself of is to pray and seek God ALWAYS not just whenever things aren’t going well. I’m doing better at that but really need to be more active about it. I think 2012 will be on trying to bring God into every aspect of my life. Seeking Him for all parts – not just for what I want but what He wants. Admittedly, I know it’s going to be hard but I know that’s where He wants our hearts to be. Delight yourself in the Lord. I also want 2012 to focus on a lot of praying for others, not just for myself – intentionally praying for others. Also, displaying acts of LOVE. Just giving and not seeking anything in return. Show what true love is like, just like how God’s gift to us. Free gift – all you have to do is take it. Let us, as followers of Christ, exemplify what it means to follow Jesus, show His love to all, that’s it. Easier said than done right? Let’s at least try. :)
My Testimony
Here’s my testimony as it was read out when I got baptized.
It’s hard for me to pinpoint the exact moment that I became a Christian and accepted Christ. I went to a private Christian school from Kindergarten to 8th grade. Since my family didn’t believe, school was really my only interaction with Christianity, learning about Jesus, and going to church. I remember that I had wanted to get baptized in 7th grade but my parents didn’t think it was a good idea because they thought it would be something better understood as an adult. All through high school, I still held on strongly to the beliefs of Jesus Christ. It was a personal journey that I didn’t really have anyone to support me with. I believed and seeked God constantly, He was in my life. I also had no idea of what worship, church, fellowships, ministries, or anything related meant. College was pretty much the same for the first two years until I transferred to UCSD.
My best friend had been going to Flood at the time, so I joined her. At first it was a little strange to even be in a church service since I hadn’t been for years. I can’t remember the message on that first day I went but at the time, I remember that wow this message is directed right at me!! For some reason, I can’t quite remember, we stopped going to Flood. So, while I was still a Christian, it turned into what it was like before. This was for a few years – but I was yearning for something. Yearning to learn more about God and yearning for this Christian community. I wanted to go back to church but I didn’t know where and I didn’t want to go by myself. At this point my best friend had been going to another church in La Jolla. It seems funny but I would spend a lot of time googling churches in the area. I decided I liked Chinese people so that is what I would search for. I came across CBC Main which was very close to my house at the time. Each Sunday I would tell myself, today, I am going. That didn’t happen for a long long time because I didn’t want to go by myself. Finally, Easter 2008, I gathered myself and went. It was Easter – a very strong reason to go on that very day. I made it! I slowly went each week and got immersed and met some amazing people that really showed me how amazing God was.
I feel like in the past 3 years, I’ve really grown a lot spiritually. I’ve been learning a lot and really grasping onto how big God is, how much He loves us, how He has everything under control, and what He can do. I like to be in control of things, I need to plan, I want to know every single detail about what is going to happen before it happens. And this actually causes me a lot of stress because often times I don’t know what is going to happen! So I’m learning to let go and let God drive the wheel because He knows what’s best for me and He has a plan for me and so far it’s been a great journey. I’m learning to worry less, fear less, and trust more. I’m learning more about what it means to be a follower of Jesus Christ. I’m constantly amazed at God’s work in my life and others. And I’m excited to see what God has in store for me. So, I’m excited to get baptized today to publicly declare Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and continue on this journey with Him.