OMG, new found discovery, there are two words (probably more) in the english language that I cannot say!  So sad!!!  The words are “cautious” and “delicious”.  For some reason, my mouth, lips, tongue, etc, cannot make the shape used for the endings of those words.

Delicious sounds like delishush and cautious sounds like caushush.  It’s horrible and amusing at the same time.

I sound retarded when I try to say those words and provided some mild entertainment during the night as my friends listened to my struggles.  :)

Sad times, sad times indeed.

I couldn’t quite decide whether this post should be about discovery or about taking “compliments”.  The other day, someone had asked if I had lost weight.  It would definitely be a compliment had I actually actively been trying to do such a thing and people were seeing the results.  This was not the case.  I awkwardly replied, really? I wish I loss some weight.  Awkward.  So I replied, thanks?  See, that’s all you had to say, they replied.  Hmm…my discovery here was that wearing larger shirts makes a person look skinnier.  This has happened more than once too.  Whenever I wear this particular shirt, because it is a little looser, people comment about me losing weight.  Brilliant or not?  The shirt I was wearing that day was new and it was loose.  I think I can take a compliment if I was actively exercising (which I will do one day) to lose weight.  Discovery of the day: wearing larger clothes to look skinnier.

I’m not good at speaking.  I already knew that I had trouble conveying my thoughts in a verbal manner, but I’m beginning to realize that I’m just not good at speaking period.  I’m very much a paper/written person, not a verbal person.  I need to learn to speak more clearly, with confidence, with professionalism, and with my words completely thought out.  It’s too hard.

There is this one place (Phoenix Food Boutique) up in LA that has this unique boba type drink. It tastes really really good and I introduced it to a couple of friends a few weeks ago. While thinking of things to do on Friday, we decided that we would drive up to Irvine to get this drink. It’s a long way to go for a drink, but we didn’t have much to do either.

I know they have 3 or 4 shops up in the San Gabriel valley area but we needed one closer so I looked it up and saw one in Irvine. I even called to make sure they were open.

Off we go…

It was roughly 72 miles and we got to the plaza where it was supposed to be but didn’t see it. We drove around a little bit and decided to call them. The people were very confused on the phone. Then it turns out that their Irvine store closed half a year ago!!! Sad times. :( But what the heck, I even called them!  Who would think to ask if the number I called was the Irvine store when I dialed the number for the Irvine store.  Although, maybe I should have been more cautious about it when it said the number dialed had a new number which went from the 949 area code to 626.

The closest one was in Rowland Heights which was almost half an hour away. But we had to go back since others had dinner plans. We stopped in the center to look around to see what there was anyway. We stumbled upon some type of middle eastern pastry shop. The desserts looked really good! So we bought a few and ate them. Then since I had to use the restroom, my friends saw this other shop called Mochilato. That place was really neat! They sold all kinds of mochi ice cream. We each tried one. They also sold gelato and had this really big shaved ice that consisted of gelato, red bean, and mochi that look delicious! Anyway, so off we went back home.

Every so often, one of us would just be laughing out loud. What an adventure! All we basically did on our Friday off was drive up to Irvine and drive back. Haha. But it’s all good. Good company, good laughs, that’s all we need. :)

Although next time I’m up in LA, I’ll have to be sure to bring some of that drink back down!

I welcome 2009 with open arms because I want to have a better year than the last. I want to have more happy events and more joy than stress and difficulties. As I think about how 2007 was full of trials and stress, I can see that a portion of 2008 was the same. But at the same time, I do see a lot of improvements and things that I’m happy about in 2008 compared to 2007.

As I struggled to deal with my core group of friends moving away in 2007, I’m happy to say that I have found a new group of friends to hang out with. I find it really hard to make friends, since I don’t have too many extra-curricular activities, but when you get to the age of post-college and you don’t really have a core group of friends, it’s really difficult to find people unless you join something. Although, I’ve found out that even if you join something, sometimes you never really get to know any of those people. You come together every week to do your specified activity, and then leave after that. No one knows a thing about you and you don’t know a thing about them. In the middle of 2007, I started going to CBC. I didn’t go there to find friends, but God definitely blessed me with a great group of people to hang out with. I think at the end of 2007 and even the beginning of 2008, while I had been with CBC for awhile and joined Team United for awhile, I hadn’t really felt like I was that close with too many people. But as the year progressed, I found myself hanging out more and more with a group of people from CBC and it has definitely been great.

Often times it is really difficult for the person who is in the midst of something to see what is really going on, but thankfully I have friends that were able to support me along the way. I was tired and completely stressed out by the emotional roller coaster I was riding on and really needed to get off. It took a lot of guts but I jumped off (I didn’t get off, I jumped), with the help of shoves from my friends. Once you get on the ride, it’s really difficult to get off and I could not go on the ride again. I’ll admit that it wasn’t easy, but it was necessary. I’m more at peace now.

The year did not go by without me stepping out of my comfort zone. I began to feel more comfortable with sports ministry but I think that I’m still not completely there yet. I went to a Christian Asian American Leadership Conference which most people know that I would never attend such a thing. It was a good experience and it definitely challenged me to think. I lead a group of people in prayer before one of the basketball games at the tourney. I knew I would have to so I had prayed and prayed about it for so long and even prepped for it. But trust me, it’s still not something I feel comfortable with. I had to step out of my comfort zone of wide receiver and play quarterback. It was completely challenging, but I think it was good in some aspects.

I’ve been learning a lot about letting go and letting God. It’s definitely been really tough but it’s something that is important. Trust. It’s all about trust. Trust in every single thing. Whatever you need, whatever you’re seeking, whatever you’re worried about, just let God take care of it.

Proverbs 3:5,6 – Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

I was able to go on a 2 week vacation to Japan and HK with my family. It was a much needed vacation from everything. We hadn’t been together, the 4 of us for a vacation like this in awhile. It was a good time to just bond and hang out with each other and explore the world.

It’s been a challenging year career-wise. There is a lack of potential for growth and the company hasn’t been doing well. No one seems to really be happy and enjoy their work anymore. It is really time to reevaluate the direction of my career.

With all that said it’s time to look forward to 2009, where I hope to accomplish several things in no particular order: Start working out on a regular basis and eat better. Finish redesigning CBC’s website and start designing my own. Find myself a nice guy and a new direction in my career. Take home the football championship. Learn to really play the guitar.

Happy New Year!

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Below is my reflection on 2007 which I guess I never posted, but it really shows how 2008 was an improvement.

2007 has not been a good year. For most of the year it was full of stress, trials, and tribulations. It was mentally and physical exhausting. The latter part of the year started to get better, but still wasn’t good.

It’s been challenging for me to have a lot of my friends move away. I have few friends and it’s hard for me to make friends easily. I hold my friends very close to my heart. It’s been difficult to not have much to do on the weekends. I miss playing sports with them. I miss Friday night hang outs. I miss weekend hang outs. I miss going out to eat. I miss everything. It’s been a whole year and I haven’t really met any new people to hang out with. I didn’t think it would be that bad to spend New Year’s alone, but I feel a little extra lonely right now. I have met new people this year, but I haven’t gotten to know anyone close enough to actually hang out with. I enjoy the few friends I have, but those friends aren’t always going to be around to hang out. And normally I’m okay during the week, its when people ask what I’m doing the weekend that sucks. It’s when someone asks, oh are your friends still around or have them mostly moved away.

It’s like a see-saw, one moment you’re flying high and the next moment you are falling down. And I was going on this ride for the longest time, up and down, up and down. And for the longest time, I could not see how all the bad parts could outweigh the good parts. I couldn’t understand how people weren’t able to hold on even though they were falling. I couldn’t understand how people could just forgot all the joy there was before the pain. But after all this time, for the first time, I see it. I can see how the pain outweighs the happiness. Emotions make people do irrational things. When you feel like you’re in something, you lose perception of things. You begin to see what you want to see and that takes over. People appear to be someone they aren’t. Letting emotions control your actions is a dangerous thing. I had been letting it go for too long. I finally see it all. I don’t need it. And I can finally have closure.

I didn’t let the year completely go by without exerting myself, without challenging myself to go out and meet people and do things I wanted to do. I missed playing football with Team Special so I went out and joined govavi and ended up on two football teams. They aren’t as enjoyable as I thought they were, but it was still a big step in going out there and doing something on my own.

I also was also able to gather up myself and make it to church. I’ve been going to CBC for about 8 months now. I still don’t really know anyone there, but I’m glad I finally made it.

I joined Team United for flag football. I enjoy it a lot. Everyone is really nice and I hope I become friends with those girls. I actually have confidence on the field which is very different for me. Its amazing how different a person acts when they feel confident.

I don’t understand people’s inability to know where to draw the line in terms of whats appropriate to do or say and when to do it or say it. Keeper of secrets…

It’s okay to cry once in awhile.

Work has been pretty stressful for most of the year. It wasn’t only me that felt the stress but my coworkers as well. It was mentally and physically draining as well. Coworkers have left. New people have come. There have been days where I dread work. I’m glad to be off emails but search is now stressing me out. I don’t know how far I will go with this place.

First day back into the office after Christmas and I find myself tiptoeing around the fact that most people took part of last week off for Christmas.  But of course, I don’t want to “offend” anyone by asking them how their Christmas was if they don’t celebrate it.  This makes it very awkward in trying to find ways to ask people how their “fill in the blank” was.  How was your break?  How was your holiday?  Did you have a nice few days off?  That’s what I asked people and of course people do the same back.  It’s so hard to just have a conversation.  Why can’t we just say it?  I find myself trying to gauge the other person’s religious views or however you want to call it.  At the same time, you don’t want to just straight up ask, because I think people will be on the defense, not wanting you to preach to them or do whatever, depending on what they do or do not celebrate.  Sigh.  What a difficult thing to do.  I’m tired of tiptoeing.

I watched my friend play song after song on the piano in sheer amazement.  She is crazy to be able to make music like that even on the guitar.  It makes me want to pick up the guitar again.  I know I get frustrated easily and it seems like whatever point I actually got to on the guitar, I’m back at square one.  But when I see people playing guitar especially worship guitar, it is sooooo coool.  I just want to be able to play!  I think we are going to have a jam sesh in the new year so that’ll be fun, but I should try to pick up the guitar again before then.  Oh yeah, I also think that the main part of being able to play the guitar is being able to sing with it because often times just because you are playing the song, no one will know what song that is until you start singing or humming.  It’s so different playing chords cause there seems to be no melody.  At least that’s what I’ve gathered.  Also, I’m not good at singing so its tough for me to do so.  Well I guess I should just work on the guitar first and sing in my head first.

Merry Christmas for reals (well the day after).  It was the birth of Jesus, who came down to earth, to be like one of us, so that He could give us the free gift of grace and everlasting life.  I’ll admit that it’s hard to constantly reflect on or about Christmas day as the birth of Jesus Christ.  With so many things going on the day of, it really takes my mind off the real meaning of Christmas.  Then again, how do you celebrate Christmas for what it really is?  I think it takes some time of reflecting and prayer.  It’s also tough when not everyone that you spend Christmas with believes in the real meaning of it.

Also, my parents were watching a hong kong tv channel where they were asking people on the street why people celebrated Christmas.  People had no idea!  “to get presents”  “because we can”.  Interesting.

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The Lakers were playing on Christmas day and every so often between breaks, there would be clips from NBA Cares.  This is where you see celebrities working with children or doing things around the community.  I wonder how this works.  I wonder if they have an option of this NBA Cares thing and people who want to participate can or if it is more like a requirement to put on a good face.  How many of the NBA players really care?  I’m not saying that they don’t care, I’m just interested in knowing how many really do it because they want to.

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Went shopping today.  It was supposedly to be the second (if not biggest) shopping day of the year compared to black friday.  Retailers are struggling hard to break even this year and they are desperate for sales.  Stores had all kinds of crazy markdowns and people were everywhere!  This is good for the people who have money to spend, bad for the stores because marking down things makes them lose a lot of money.  Anyway, I brought this up for a reason, but now I can’t remember.  Haha.

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For unto us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders.  And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Isaiah 9:6

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Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4

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Merry Christmas! =D