It’s been a freaking roller coaster ride.  The journey’s been wild.  Emotions high and emotions low.

I’ve made it this far.  Only a short bit left to go.

Watching God orchestrate this is neat.  I have little faith.  I worry like no other – I worry to the extreme.  I constantly seek affirmation on a play by play level.  I’m still afraid.  Still.  It’s actually ridiculous.  I shouldn’t.

The end is in sight – the hand is reaching down at the end of the lit tunnel.  I’ve grabbed onto it and am being pulled out.  It’s a long way out but I’m beginning to get pulled out.

It’s been so long that I’m afraid of the outside.  I’m afraid of leaving.  Afraid of reactions, consequences…

Sounds like a victim of domestic violence…abusive relationships…holding on…

Today ended up set up well by God – sequence of events.  Amazing.

Now we just wait.

Need to be strong, be courageous, and triumphant.

Need to know that God is with me and He is powerful, He is a protector, He is a shield..

Need to continue to TRUST in HIM because He will carry me through.  He’s brought me this far.  He won’t leave me.

Need to ride it out.  Ride it out.

Look at the positive.  Look at the light.  Hold on to things that matter – hold on to God who is reliable – unlike everyone / everything else.

Praise God for His blessings and for answered prayers.  :)

My mind is lost and twisted to the point where what should be celebration has been overpowered by fear.  I guess that’s what years of “captivity” and “brain-washing” does to you.

Isaiah 41:10

¹⁰ So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

We are so close.  So close.

Here we go.  Here we go.

Biggest San Diego fireworks fail ever.  Good thing we didn’t go down to watch the big bay boom.  They fired off all 18 minutes of their show all at once!  FAIL.

Instead, F and I went to Hilltop and saw 6 or so fireworks shows all at once.  They were far away but it was still pretty cool.  It was also not super crowded – we got there at the right time.  It did end up getting a lot more crowded.

Hung out at B’s for BBQ during the day – that chicken was good!  So were the potatoes and guac!

It has also been nice to have a break in the middle of the week.  Tomorrow is Friday!  Hurrah.

My knee is broken.  :(

It needs to fix itself asap.  I should have rested it a long time ago but I couldn’t resist.  Now it’s NG.  But I have to rest it now since I have a 5K in a few weeks and a half in 2 months.

It sucks to not be able to run.

I get to sit around, ice, and do leg lifts.

Maybe it’ll be fixed by Saturday.

I’m in limbo.  It almost feels like it isn’t real.  It’s close, but really so so far away.  :(

It’s beginning to crumble, yes it is.  Here it comes, crashing down.

Need to be rescued before the fall.  Need to be rescued now.

• Glad it’s a short week – July 4th
• Hills I need to conquer – Goat Hill, Bonus Hill, and La Jolla Farms Hill.  (Definition of Conquer:  run up to the top without stopping)
• Just signed up for another half marathon in September – what am I thinking?  Hey, it was $20!
• Left knee has been hurting from running – so not good.  :(
• Right ankle still never healed – still hurts.  :(
• Still in the waiting game – still waiting.  Can’t wait.
• Really need to figure out how to run faster.
• Should cook more at home.
• Built my clothing shelf with F’s help.  It’s great!! :)

I think God wants me to be patient.  It’s so hard right now.  Alright, I’ll move when you’re ready for me to move.

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On another note, my goal is to one day be able to keep up with C. when I run with her.  One day.