I welcome 2009 with open arms because I want to have a better year than the last. I want to have more happy events and more joy than stress and difficulties. As I think about how 2007 was full of trials and stress, I can see that a portion of 2008 was the same. But at the same time, I do see a lot of improvements and things that I’m happy about in 2008 compared to 2007.

As I struggled to deal with my core group of friends moving away in 2007, I’m happy to say that I have found a new group of friends to hang out with. I find it really hard to make friends, since I don’t have too many extra-curricular activities, but when you get to the age of post-college and you don’t really have a core group of friends, it’s really difficult to find people unless you join something. Although, I’ve found out that even if you join something, sometimes you never really get to know any of those people. You come together every week to do your specified activity, and then leave after that. No one knows a thing about you and you don’t know a thing about them. In the middle of 2007, I started going to CBC. I didn’t go there to find friends, but God definitely blessed me with a great group of people to hang out with. I think at the end of 2007 and even the beginning of 2008, while I had been with CBC for awhile and joined Team United for awhile, I hadn’t really felt like I was that close with too many people. But as the year progressed, I found myself hanging out more and more with a group of people from CBC and it has definitely been great.

Often times it is really difficult for the person who is in the midst of something to see what is really going on, but thankfully I have friends that were able to support me along the way. I was tired and completely stressed out by the emotional roller coaster I was riding on and really needed to get off. It took a lot of guts but I jumped off (I didn’t get off, I jumped), with the help of shoves from my friends. Once you get on the ride, it’s really difficult to get off and I could not go on the ride again. I’ll admit that it wasn’t easy, but it was necessary. I’m more at peace now.

The year did not go by without me stepping out of my comfort zone. I began to feel more comfortable with sports ministry but I think that I’m still not completely there yet. I went to a Christian Asian American Leadership Conference which most people know that I would never attend such a thing. It was a good experience and it definitely challenged me to think. I lead a group of people in prayer before one of the basketball games at the tourney. I knew I would have to so I had prayed and prayed about it for so long and even prepped for it. But trust me, it’s still not something I feel comfortable with. I had to step out of my comfort zone of wide receiver and play quarterback. It was completely challenging, but I think it was good in some aspects.

I’ve been learning a lot about letting go and letting God. It’s definitely been really tough but it’s something that is important. Trust. It’s all about trust. Trust in every single thing. Whatever you need, whatever you’re seeking, whatever you’re worried about, just let God take care of it.

Proverbs 3:5,6 – Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

I was able to go on a 2 week vacation to Japan and HK with my family. It was a much needed vacation from everything. We hadn’t been together, the 4 of us for a vacation like this in awhile. It was a good time to just bond and hang out with each other and explore the world.

It’s been a challenging year career-wise. There is a lack of potential for growth and the company hasn’t been doing well. No one seems to really be happy and enjoy their work anymore. It is really time to reevaluate the direction of my career.

With all that said it’s time to look forward to 2009, where I hope to accomplish several things in no particular order: Start working out on a regular basis and eat better. Finish redesigning CBC’s website and start designing my own. Find myself a nice guy and a new direction in my career. Take home the football championship. Learn to really play the guitar.

Happy New Year!

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Below is my reflection on 2007 which I guess I never posted, but it really shows how 2008 was an improvement.

2007 has not been a good year. For most of the year it was full of stress, trials, and tribulations. It was mentally and physical exhausting. The latter part of the year started to get better, but still wasn’t good.

It’s been challenging for me to have a lot of my friends move away. I have few friends and it’s hard for me to make friends easily. I hold my friends very close to my heart. It’s been difficult to not have much to do on the weekends. I miss playing sports with them. I miss Friday night hang outs. I miss weekend hang outs. I miss going out to eat. I miss everything. It’s been a whole year and I haven’t really met any new people to hang out with. I didn’t think it would be that bad to spend New Year’s alone, but I feel a little extra lonely right now. I have met new people this year, but I haven’t gotten to know anyone close enough to actually hang out with. I enjoy the few friends I have, but those friends aren’t always going to be around to hang out. And normally I’m okay during the week, its when people ask what I’m doing the weekend that sucks. It’s when someone asks, oh are your friends still around or have them mostly moved away.

It’s like a see-saw, one moment you’re flying high and the next moment you are falling down. And I was going on this ride for the longest time, up and down, up and down. And for the longest time, I could not see how all the bad parts could outweigh the good parts. I couldn’t understand how people weren’t able to hold on even though they were falling. I couldn’t understand how people could just forgot all the joy there was before the pain. But after all this time, for the first time, I see it. I can see how the pain outweighs the happiness. Emotions make people do irrational things. When you feel like you’re in something, you lose perception of things. You begin to see what you want to see and that takes over. People appear to be someone they aren’t. Letting emotions control your actions is a dangerous thing. I had been letting it go for too long. I finally see it all. I don’t need it. And I can finally have closure.

I didn’t let the year completely go by without exerting myself, without challenging myself to go out and meet people and do things I wanted to do. I missed playing football with Team Special so I went out and joined govavi and ended up on two football teams. They aren’t as enjoyable as I thought they were, but it was still a big step in going out there and doing something on my own.

I also was also able to gather up myself and make it to church. I’ve been going to CBC for about 8 months now. I still don’t really know anyone there, but I’m glad I finally made it.

I joined Team United for flag football. I enjoy it a lot. Everyone is really nice and I hope I become friends with those girls. I actually have confidence on the field which is very different for me. Its amazing how different a person acts when they feel confident.

I don’t understand people’s inability to know where to draw the line in terms of whats appropriate to do or say and when to do it or say it. Keeper of secrets…

It’s okay to cry once in awhile.

Work has been pretty stressful for most of the year. It wasn’t only me that felt the stress but my coworkers as well. It was mentally and physically draining as well. Coworkers have left. New people have come. There have been days where I dread work. I’m glad to be off emails but search is now stressing me out. I don’t know how far I will go with this place.