It’s amazing that what people say can completely alter your outlook on things. In trying to stay positive, I just had someone take my hope from me. Thanks a lot. Maybe I should just face it, but deep down, I still have a tinge of hope. It’s important to help people be positive and encourage them. I’m going to try to hold on just a bit longer.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately and by a lot I pretty much mean non-stop. I feel like I have an incredible amount of stress upon me. I’m beginning to think that all this stress is wearing me down physically and mentally. My shoulders have been really tense and I have knots in them, I don’t think I’ve really experienced such tenseness before. My mind is jumping from place to place and I can’t keep track of it which is making it more difficult for me to focus on things. Although this sounds contradictory, I seem to be constantly seeking things to do and places to go to get my mind off of things.

Thoughts that are floating in my mind…well, they vary, but in general: life direction, relationships with people, understanding God, and other miscellaneous things.

I have, for quite some time now, been trying to find new direction because I know that where I am now is not where I am supposed to be. I realize that if I am in the right place, doing the right thing, I would be happy. I want to wake up each morning and go about the day’s events and think, “yes, this is what I am here for” and feel and know that what I am doing is making a difference, and that this is where I am supposed to be. My recent experience has opened my eyes to something that I strongly desire but at this point I am unsure if it is where God is leading me. Sometimes, we think we know better, we experience, we encounter, we desire, and we seek, thinking that THAT is indeed the solution. But as much as I want something, the question that crosses my mind is, “what if that isn’t what’s best for me…or what if that isn’t part of God’s will?” And partly, I’m thinking that God is teaching me to be patient, to trust in Him, and fully submit and admit that He is in control. I’ve been thinking a lot about how to do this. So I’ve been telling myself to worry less, think less, and pray for His will to be done, and lastly, wait for His timing (because so far, His timing has always been perfect).

I’ve also been thinking about relationships with people – friends, family, and those not yet developed. I feel like, we as people are always seeking more, more, and more. I had had my bouts of sadness whenever I had thought about LA leaving, much before she left. That was on and off and when she left I was sad even though I told myself it was like she was just going on vacation. And then it was fine, I’ve been able to talk to her nearly every day. But then it really hit me on Friday night when I was trying to figure out what to eat for dinner. Normally we just went out and ate – but this time I had no one to eat with. I called up a few people but they were all busy and I ended up going out and grabbing some fast food and coming home to eat it alone. That was hard for me, thinking that I would be spending Friday night doing nothing by myself because all my friends were busy and my best friend wasn’t here to hang out with. In hopes of finding something to do, anything, I texted a friend and a bunch of my friends were going to go hang out and get boba that night. Thank God for that. It was good timing and I very much needed that. It reminds me that people are so interesting, that sometimes those who are afraid of something or appear to not want something, deep down inside really desire it. On the other hand, I have also been praying and longing for that “perfect” (yes, I know no one is perfect) guy to come into my life. I often get in over my head when I start thinking about relationships but I know deep down that if this is something God has planned for me, it will happen. I can continue to go on about relationships, but I think I’ll stop for now.

Throughout all the thoughts of my ever wandering mind, I’m beginning to learn more about understanding God and what He has planned for us. I had read in someone’s blog about praying boldly about things and have been known to recite in my head the verse about “in prayer and petition, bring everything to the Lord.” And so, I’ve been praying, a lot. I’ve been praying for all these things on my mind, what to do with them, what I want, how to trust, etc. When someone prays, they are asking for something, right? It doesn’t matter what the prayer is about, it is about asking God for something. Which made me start wondering, why are we praying, if He already has a plan. Why do we pray for xxxxx when yyyy is already going to happen – that whatever is God’s will is going to happen? I am learning that praying is really about seeking God, hearing Him, listening for His lead, connecting with Him, and discerning what He has in store for me or you. So with that, I will keep praying, keep seeking, and listening for God and what He has in store for me.

I know that this is just one of the lows of the roller coaster ride and I’m looking forward to hitting the high.

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

This morning I suddenly woke up just before 8:10am. Upon seeing that time on the clock, I literally JUMPED out of bed and freaked out! I was thinking oh CRAP! I’m going to be late for work AND I have an 8:30am meeting which I’m not going to make it to on time. Then as I stood there for a moment thinking, wait, I did set my alarm last night, why didn’t it go off? Oh wait, today is Sunday. WHEW!!!! So I crawled back into bed. But at that point when I looked at the clock, I completely freaked out! What a morning!

I love soda!  It tastes good!  :D  And while it tastes good, it’s pretty bad for you.  It’s basically drinking sugar water.  It’s empty calories.  I think one can of soda has an equivalence of about 10-12 teaspoons of sugar.  When I think of it like that, it sounds pretty disgusting and horrible.

Every day at lunch, I have a soda.  If I bring my own lunch, I will have a can of soda for the day.  If I go out, I will usually drink a cup and refill it togo.  While I think that one can of soda a day is really not that bad, I think getting refills and large cups when eating out is.  But I feel like I’m not getting my money’s worth if I don’t get at least one refill (no matter how big the cup is).

Another thing is not particularly that it is soda I need.  What I need when I eat is something to drink – not just anything to drink like water, but it must be something that has flavor.  If I only drink water during lunch, I will feel extremely thirsty and have dry mouth after lunch to which I need to drink something with flavor.  I think all the soda drinking has really made my taste buds desire some type of sweetness to a drink.

While I can manage not drinking soda and drinking something else during lunch, the thing that soda really provides for me is the caffeine.  If I do not drink a soda during the day, I will have a caffeine headache.  And that does not feel good.

I had awhile back actually cut out soda for about 2 months straight.  I was pretty proud of myself but then it started up again.  I’m trying to lay low on the soda again.  I think a good alternative is iced tea.  It has caffeine (although I think, not enough – as I did experience a caffeine headache one day when I only had iced tea for lunch), is mainly made up of water, and I will only add a little bit of sugar (not nearly as much as 10 teaspoons).  Although, something I have noticed is that after drinking iced tea, I be come increasingly thirsty.  I wonder if that has to do with the tea element.  Does tea dehydrate?  I should look this up.

Well, surprisingly I have not had a soda since maybe last Wednesday or Thursday.  Trust me, that’s a long time.  I’ve been getting my caffeine in alternate ways.  We’ll see how long this lasts.  Although I may be tempted to get a soda if I’m out at a restaurant.  We will see.  Whatever it is, I think cutting back some is better than cutting back none.

It’s sunny, breezy, and awesome outside.  I can tell it is and I haven’t even stepped outside yet.  On days like this, I really have a longing to be outside – to walk around in my shorts and t-shirt and enjoy the nice weather.  But right now, I don’t know where to go!  Where can I go walk around outside and have things to look at aka shops but not be at the mall?

I could go to Carmel Mt, but I don’t really want to go there.  I can’t really think of any other places that have enough shops for me to go to.  I want to do something but I don’t know what to do.  I want to eat something but I don’t know what to eat.  I also don’t know where anyone is so I’m here by myself which makes it a bit lonely.

Chances are I will end up at Carmel Mt. but who knows….

nearly every single morning.  I have recently begun to attribute them to allergies.  Although, I remember my nose being runny in the mornings for many many many years now.  I remember hating taking standardized tests like the SATs because I couldn’t focus on the test because my nose would keep running and I would keep sniffling.  And now I joke that I am allergic to work because it always happens when I get into the office.  It really starts running.  What is also interesting is that it usually runs if I’m sitting down or something – because if I have an early morning activity, I don’t think it will be running.  But I think it’s allergies.  My eyes have been super itchy lately too.

So this morning I took some Claritin.  Hopefully it helps.  I’ll try it for the next few days to see if that’s really the case..allergies, that is.

If it’s not allergies, I don’t know what it is!  I just end up using tons of kleenex and it gets quite annoying!

I love the food up in LA.  Good ol’ Chinese food.  I love the HK Style cafes that they don’t have down here.  Mmmmm!  There are a few boba & asian dessert places I want to try up in LA – I’ll have to do that next time!

I went bowling with the fam.  It was a lot of fun.  We don’t really do recreational activities like that much.  It was fun and my bro recorded a lot of it on tape.  Funny thing is as I tried to manage the camcorder while my bro bowled, I realized how stupid I felt because I didn’t know how to use the freaking thing!

I went shopping with my mom for curtains for the house.  I just realized windows at people’s houses are usually covered with blinds, not curtains.  But they are looking for curtains cause it blocks out more light.  It turns out that it is actually really difficult to find curtains that FIT in those windows.  They sell a lot of curtains and drapes for patios and the super small windows but none for a normal bedroom window!  So I think my mom is going to make some.

So, the weekend was good, it was fun, and enjoyable.  :)

I suspect that my Hypocrappo is acting up again.  I really need to go to the lab but have been lazy and have been holding off for other things.  In the past week or two, I feel like the thyroid has been swelling and a few times it was difficult to swallow.  The past few days or maybe week, I feel like I’ve been getting quite tired easily.  But my weight is about normal, so maybe it’s not anything at all.  Usually weight is a good indicator.  Maybe I’m just stressed and getting those tension headaches or something.  Maybe..who knows..