Monthly Archives: January 2010

01.25.10
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In the Dark

Most people at work are used to shutting the lights off as they leave the bathroom.  I do this too.  Save energy.  Besides, it’s not like there are THAT many people that use the women’s restroom anyway.

Today, I was using the restroom in the last stall (the large one of course) and someone was using the stall next to me.  They were done, they left, and they shut off the lights.  My yells of HELLO…failed.  So, it was pitch black.  And my eyes adjust slowly.  So it was horrible because I couldn’t see jack.  Good thing, I was done anyway.  I was trying to flush the toilet and managed to do so.  But then I couldn’t find the door out of the stall.  I stuck my arms out trying to find the door and realized I was facing the completely wrong way as I was by the wall not the door.  Finally I made my way to the door and went out.  I still couldn’t see anything.  You see, the restroom is not that big, so it’s not like there is a a lot of space to move around.  I could see the crack to the light outside but the path from the stall to the door is not straight.  I stumbled around to try to not crash into the sinks and I managed to crash into the trashcan and the wall before I found the lights so I could wash my hands.

It was so not fun.  Darkness.  But slightly amusing.  It would have been amusing to watch if you had some night vision ability.

01.23.10
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Weakness

No one likes to show weakness.  No one likes to appear weak where they are supposed to be strong.  At least I don’t like to.  It almost goes to a point where I am willing to sacrifice and possibly do more harm to myself just to “save face” or keep my pride.  Perhaps its a lesson on learning to be humble.

01.13.10
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Time

Time Doesn’t Exist, Clocks Do.

Time is such a weird concept.  You know how you set your clock when it’s new or the electricity went off?  What do you use to determine what to set the time to?  Do you use your cell phone?  Your computer maybe?  After all, those are set according to some satellite or some other “official” time right?  There is an official time but what I think is funny is that we don’t always set our clocks to that official time.  We usually just try to match it up to something else we have and that may be wrong.  Why do you think that the time is always slightly different, depending who you ask, or what you look at (phone, computer, car, public clocks, tv, etc.)?  It’s weird.  It’s probably a few minutes off here and there so much that we don’t even really know what the REAL time is.  Which brings me to wonder if all of our adjustments have slowly brought us further and further away whether it be earlier or later than the REAL time.  It’s bound to happen right?  You constantly adjust something to the point where you are just completely off but you can’t tell because everyone else has done the same thing!  Perhaps my theory is wrong, but it’s just interesting to think about.

Another thing I thought about today during dinner was that it would be great if I could be in 3 places at once.  This way I can be doing all the things I want without losing what I’m currently doing now.  Although I’m not sure if what I’m doing currently now is what I want but I can’t just lose that because it’s what I’m doing now.  Confusing?  Yes.  So, it would be great.

I was watching Harry Potter and the Prizoner of Azkaban or whatever it’s called the other day with LA and there’s that part where Harry is at this pond fighting off the dementors and someone he sees across the pond is putting on that charm or shield or whatever you want to call it to fight off the dementors and that person is himself.  They had this charm thing (yeah I know, I’m bad at remember things in movies), that took them back in time.  I was so confused by how that worked.  LA was talking about time continuum and all that stuff and how you really can’t go back in time.  It just wouldn’t work.  It was an interesting thought.  I wonder what it would be like to do that – but I guess you can’t really because of the things that happen in the present.  Okay I don’t even know what this paragraph is about but it’s just interesting…this whole time travel thing.

Lastly, do you wonder what life would be like without clocks?  Is it true that “time” doesn’t exist and clocks do?  This whole post may be a complete contradiction to itself but I don’t know if it is and I’m not sure it even matters.  Could we live life w/o clocks?  I think that would be interesting and maybe nice…or would it?  I mean we LIVE BY CLOCKS.  People go to work/school/meetings/appointments all based on times.  You hang out based on a time.  You go to sleep based on time.  Everything is based on time..errrr..I mean the time on the clock.  What would it be like to just elimiate clocks?  Would we feel a little bit more free or would we feel completely lost without this structure of time?

01.04.10
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2009 Reflections and 2010 Outlook

Ah, I think I’m behind on my reflections for 2009 as well as my outlook on 2010.  I always like to begin by refreshing my memory of what I wrote last year to see what’s different about this year.  Also, after reading KK’s family letter about all the things they did throughout the year, I realized that I also really like that format so I might throw a little bit of that in too.  So, expect this to be very jumbled. ?

Last year I wrote this about my goals and outlook for 2009: “With all that said it’s time to look forward to 2009, where I hope to accomplish several things in no particular order: Start working out on a regular basis and eat better. Finish redesigning CBC’s website and start designing my own. Find myself a nice guy and a new direction in my career. Take home the football championship. Learn to really play the guitar.”

Which of those things did I accomplish?  Finished redesigning CBC’s website and began designing my own, took on a new direction with my career, and took home the football championship (sort of).  And, I guess I pretty much failed at the rest…haha.

2009…what can I say?  It was for the most part extremely stressful and tough but ended up okay.  Here it goes in no particular order…

I think I really learned to rely on God and to really seek Him.  It was about letting Him take control and lead instead of me trying to control everything.  There were extremely long periods of intense stress, desperation, and cries for help, for something, anything.  It was everyday, it was all throughout the day.  I was in a place that I didn’t want to be in, I was in a place that was seriously making me depressed and extremely stressed out.  I was so desperate I was willing to do unreasonable things to get out.  I was trying to get out but couldn’t find an out.  I would get glimmers of hope but would be shut down.  I really had to learn to trust on God and His timing.  It really showed me how much I needed God and I wonder if that was His way of showing that to me too.

Finally, I got the open door.  It took a long time but when it happened it happened so quick.  It happened so quick that it was unreal.  Unreal.  It was like I opened my eyes and boom, it was a whole new world.  Sometimes when I’m getting stressed out now, I really have to remind myself of what a blessing this is.  This is a step in the right direction.  It’s challenging, stressful, and tough at times, but it’s a better place to be in.  And that I am thankful for.

Another thing was that my best friend had made the decision to move to China, though she was only gone for a few months initially, everything that had led up to that made me very very sad.  I guess when you hang out and live with someone for so many years, you just don’t ever think about them not being around anymore.  It took some time to get used to but I think God definitely blessed me with friendships all over so that I wouldn’t be lonely.

I got to go on vacation with my family.  I am usually hesitant because I don’t like traveling, especially when it’s international.  But it was definitely an experience to travel in China and Malaysia.  Definitely a different experience and not an opportunity that everyone gets.  It was also a good time of bonding.  We had tons of laughs and great pictures.  It’s difficult for our whole family to travel together these days because of everyone’s work schedule and my brother’s school schedule but being able to just spend those 2 weeks together was good.

I mean, I guess that’s pretty much it.  Much of the year was spent finding that open door and trying to survive where I was at.  After that, things got better.  Now what I need to do is to continue to seek God with as much passion and desire as I did when I was crying for help.  To learn to call out to Him when things are going well or aren’t extremely bad.

The outlook for 2010 is good.  I want it to be a good year, a great year.  I want it to be filled with adventures and new beginnings.  I want it to be filled with happiness.  The goals for 2010 are to eat better and lose some weight, yeah I know, isn’t that everyone’s goal every year?  Yes.  But I want to be back at the weight I was 3 years ago so that is the goal.  Also, to be less stressed and to be happier.  To live life and not let things get to me.  To get myself off the singles list.  To maybe get a new car?  To reorganize my computer files…haha.  To get dual monitors set up.  To learn how to use my camera.  To spend more time keeping in touch with old friends.  And of course, to seek God more.

Here’s to an outstanding 2010!