Monthly Archives: December 2010

12.26.10
by

This Christmas

It’s almost time for that big new years post or rather end of the year post but I guess I kind of want to write about Christmas this year.  This year I really wished I had a lot of time off.  Normally, I don’t really care, but I think I’ve just been pretty burned out with everything I’ve been doing that I just wanted some time off.  I just want to do nothing, sleep in, hang out with friends and family, and just relax and not think about work, football, ultimate, anything.  But nope.

A few days ago I came down with what I can guess is the flu.  I haven’t felt so miserable in awhile.  It really is miserable.  It’s even more miserable when there’s no one taking care of you.  Feeling so helpless and so sick and really all you can do is lie there and feel horrible – it’s really sad.  One of the things I always think of when I feel sick or feel pain or see others sick or feel pain is that no one can feel that pain but you.  No one really knows how you feel – no one suffers with you.  And really there is no one that can help you.  I was thinking about C’s message from the other week about what we can bring to Jesus for His birthday.  And in all my sickness, all I could think of, here I am, here’s all I got, it’s not much, but its all for You.  And as I was lying in bed all weak, I was thinking, wow, only God knows my pain, and only He can help me right now.  For when I am weak, You are strong.

I was supposed to drive home on Friday morning and woke up feeling horrible.  I was in no shape to drive and as I laid there on the couch I just started crying because I was so sad.  I was thinking, wow, I don’t even know if I’m going to make it home for Christmas, how sad is that.  I was trying to think if anyone from LA could drive down and pick me up – but that’s so much to ask of someone.  Everyone else I could think of that might be going to LA, would have gone already.  So S convinced me to just sleep some more and see how I feel.  P offered to drive me up which was so nice of him, but at that point I had decided to just go for it.  I am very thankful for the Exodus family I have, everyone was so thoughtful in asking if I needed anything and was willing to bring me something over.  M. brought me some soup, water, and fruit, all the things I asked for the night before.  Thank you.  :)  I am so blessed to have the people at Exodus.  Where else can you find such great, caring people.

This Christmas was especially hard getting gifts for people.  In fact I didn’t even get anything for anyone, except my family, and LA.  Even then it was so hard.  I actually don’t like the whole gift giving thing – it feels too forced.  We have it all – and if we don’t have it, we sure as heck can buy it.  The gift giving slowed down a lot this year which was good – partially because no one had time to do anything!  Which I think turned out to be sort of good.  No one in my family even wrapped any gifts!  And it was great! :)  At least I thought so.  It showed that it wasn’t all crazy about that.  I just want to remember Jesus during Christmas and reflect on the gift He has given us already.  If only my whole fam would realize that.  That would be a great gift.

So, while I will be coming back with a few new items, I’m glad things weren’t crazy this year.  Just spend some time at home with the fam – being  sick and all but still being joyful.

Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday Jesus.  There really is no Christmas without You.  Thank you for sending Your Son on Earth to experience life as we do and to show us Your TRUE LOVE.  Thank you.

12.01.10
by

Taking the Plunge

I’d like to know why people do things even though they are afraid. I think there are two reasons…maybe only one. There is definitely one big reason even if it may not be apparent. People do things they are afraid of because there is something good that will come out of it or something they desire to come out of it.

Roller coasters or scary haunted houses for halloween. People enjoy the thrill of being scared. I like roller coasters. Am I scared? Yeah I get a little scared when we are chilling at the top not moving for a few seconds – and then the rush – that feels good.

Challenge course log. I stood up on that log 30 feet off the ground for about 15 minutes. I was soooo scared. What was I scared of? Falling? Was it even that? I was more scared that if I let go and took a few steps out, that if I started walking, I couldn’t stop and turn around – I had to go. So I hung on for dear life for 15 minutes and I almost gave up. I almost really just decided to come down. But I didn’t. I was SO scared. But, I wanted to do it because coming down would be weaksauce. Coming down would mean that I couldn’t do it – fear of failure. My fear of failing, of being dissatisfied was motivating enough for me to cross that log. Ha, fear driving fear, what a concept.

I like the term “Taking the Plunge” because I feel like so often people are scared about certain things but they still do it. They are afraid of falling yet they jump right in. Obviously there is a motivator. I mean c’mon, people are scared of making decisions in life every single day – but you gotta do it. Just go! Just jump right in – whatever happens happens right? How many times have you heard that?

I guess what I’m trying to differentiate is the difference between the kind of fear that actually stops you in your track versus the kind you’re willing to just dive right into. If that fear is big enough it will stop you – but inside you secretly want to succeed – you want it – but the fear is overpowering.

Eh..incomplete thoughts.