Monthly Archives: July 2012

07.30.12
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Stop. Stubborn. Stupid.

Stop being stubborn, stupid.

I can’t remember the last time I did physical activity without feeling pain.  In fact, I long for the ability to run, play basketball, exercise, without feeling pain, just like it used to be.  Now, every step is painful.  But it’s SO HARD for me to just stop.  I need to stop.  I know I need to.  People have been telling me to.  I need to stop until it heals but I’m stubborn.  Most athletes are stubborn like that – they’d rather play through the pain than stop.  After all, it does go numb after awhile or you’re able to ignore it while you’re playing.  But this time, not only does it hurt, I can’t really run fast, move normally, and it really sucks.  Damn it.  =

I know I need to stop because I don’t know what’s wrong with it.  It could be something bad.  I don’t want to end up like M. who ended up having to wear a boot because he ran so much on his shin splints he ended up with a stress fracture.  I don’t want to never be able to run or play pain free again or even run or play.  I’ve given it sporadic week long rests, though I’m not sure how much it’s helped.  I think I have to go for at least 2 weeks and see how it feels.

Part of me doesn’t want to because I LIKE exercise, I CRAVE it.  Part of me doesn’t want to stop because I’ll regress – back to square 1.  Part of me doesn’t want to because I don’t want to gain back my weight.  Part of me doesn’t want to because exercise makes me feel energized and refreshed.  And for all these reasons, I don’t want to stop.  It’s SO HARD.

I think I might have to not run the half in September.  It’s too soon.  Lack of training + injury = more injury.  SIGH.  Plus, there are events that I wanted to do next year.  Disneyland Half, maybe triple crown, duathlon since I got a bike?  :(

I should go to the doctor.  However, I have a slight predicament.  I’ll be starting my new gig soon.  I do have temporary insurance with Kaiser but it only lasts for a month.  New insurance doesn’t kick in until September.  I also don’t want to be having to go to the doctor or missing work so soon after starting.  Looks bad.  UGH.

What to do?!?

07.26.12
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The Pain

I think I’ve finally figured out exactly what causes the pain in my knee.  It’s whenever I put weight on it.  Even as I just stand here and I stand on one leg, if I even try to squat a little – barely move down, it hurts a lot.  So I guess when I run, not only am I putting all my weight on one leg, I am POUNDING the weight onto it.  =

Suck.  Although, after about a 1 mile warm up, it starts to feel slightly better.

Dang it, I hope these exercises actually fix it.  I hope I don’t have to pull out of the half.  =

07.26.12
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Relaxed

I feel relaxed.  It’s a little weird.  It kind of feels like it’s just the weekend or that I’ve taken a few days off.  It’ll kick in much more soon.

I’ve been able to sleep in a little bit which is nice.  I actually don’t want to sleep in too much because I don’t want to get used to a lazy schedule!  :)

Yesterday, I enjoyed my time eating breakfast, got a haircut, went to the bank, went to the post office, and headed down to Liberty Station.  My, how much can be accomplished – not sure how I ever managed otherwise, I guess I just never did any of those things.  ;)

I had only been down to Liberty Station maybe 3 times for food and maybe once for the Rock.  I didn’t realize how nice it was.  There’s not a whole lot of stores but it was really nice to walk around.  I wanted to just walk around, do nothing, relax, breathe in the fresh air, explore a little bit, it was so nice.  I wanted to head to Con Pane for lunch as it has been highly recommended.  I randomly parked my car and picked a direction to walk.  I had all the time in the world so it didn’t matter.  What a nice feeling.  Nowhere to be, no demands to be met, freedom.  I walked until I found a map and realized I had been walking the wrong way!  Haha, that’s okay though.  So I walked back the other way and found Con Pane.  It was closed!!!  :(  Sad times.  I was so hungry lol.  It was almost 2pm.  It  had a paper sign saying it was closed on Wednesdays but the hours printed on the door said otherwise.  Oh well.  I decided to head to Da Kine’s, after all I hadn’t been there in years (there used to or is one in PB).  Randomly bumped into P. and had lunch with him.  Afterwards, I spent about an hour just walking around NTC park.  It was nice, sunny, breezy, pretty.  Loved it.  :)

I decided to stay south to see if C. was going to get off work soon.  I headed over to mission valley mall to hit up nordstrom rack.  I walked around the mall for a bit until C. told me she was headed home.  Went over to her place, tossed the football around, attempted to ride a bicycle for like 2 minutes (man, that was freaking scary lol).  We went to luche libre for dinner, that place is pretty good.

It’s been relaxing to just do whatever I want, eat at different places, and just explore.  To not be limited by time.  Ahh, what a life.  Gotta savor the next week and a half.

:)

07.24.12
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Fin.

I can’t believe this day has come.  Tomorrow will probably feel even stranger – a relief.

On my drive home last night I was thinking about a lot of things, about the way I act and portray myself, my character, my work ethic, my words and actions throughout the final days.  One of my guys had asked me if I was going to just go in and peace out.  I said to him, “what do you think?  Have I not been here every single one of these days and for the full day?”

It has been crazy.  Crazy and stressful.  It’s been draining and emotional.  As I thought more and more about the whole situation, I thought, “I don’t do you like you do me.”  As poorly as I have been treated, as difficult of a time you have made for me, I have still given you all of me.  I don’t cheat you, I don’t retaliate, I continue to give you me until the end.  Professionalism, tact, and class until the end.  I will not stoop to your level.  I will follow what I believe is the right thing to do even though you’ve wronged me over and over again.  It’s called grace.  You may not have recognized my efforts and you may not care, but in the end, I have finished well.

If there’s anything I can do, it is to show my guys that I care about them, it is to show them how it’s supposed to be – what it’s like to have someone that genuinely cares.  I hope I have made a difference in their lives.  That they’ll look back and remember something good.  It doesn’t take much to please.

Someone texted me today and said, “I haven’t seen you smile or crack jokes like today in months – good luck with everything.”  Wow, isn’t that sad?  That is SO sad.

It’s nice to know that some people care and will miss me.  Others were upset because they were envious.  They know what they need to do.

I was sad and happy today.  Sad to say goodbye.  Happy to be done.

I didn’t even look back once.  I opened my window, drove off, yelled, “WHOOOO!!  THANK GOD!!” as I drove down the street.  I was so happy I was about to cry.  What a mix of feelings.

The day has come, the day has gone.  I spoke for the masses.  I let them know.  I hope it brings change.  I hope I have inspired movement, change, and realization in so many aspects.  I hope I have impacted people, lives, in a positive way.

I tried my best to finish well.  Finish well.  I couldn’t have gotten this far without Him.  He hears us, He knows our thoughts and desires.  He is faithful, He is good.  Praise God!

Thank you to all who have supported me, encouraged me, prayed for me, and listened to me throughout all the crazy.  Thank you so much – it really really has meant a lot!  :)

This chapter is closed.  On to the next.

07.23.12
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Body Shop

I need two new legs and maybe a new shoulder.  I wish there was a body shop where I could buy new parts.

My never healed ankle from Turkey Bowl keeps getting reinjured thus never fully healing.  My left knee is so jacked.  However, right now my right ankle hurts more than my freaking knee and when my knee hurts, it hurts quite a bit.

I think I need to see the doctor.  However, I’d need to see one this week.  I’d need to see a normal doc first and get a referral to some sports doc or something.  Or they’ll just suck up my money at PT.  They’re probably going to tell me to stop being active.

GAH, I was just getting into it.  It makes me sad.  =(

07.22.12
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Parking Tap

If you’ve driven with me before, you know I hate and have great difficulty parallel parking my car.  I can’t see jack out the back and can’t tell how far away I am from the cars.  Today I went over to C’s place and there was a premium parking spot right in front.  It looked a little tight but it was right in front so I decided to try.  My first attempt I went in too sharp and then a car was waiting for me – so I got extra nervous.  Then I tried again and then I still couldn’t see and then there were all these people on the sidewalk so I got even more nervous because I was afraid I might tap the car behind me and that would be NG and EXTRA NG with people watching.  So I gave up and drove away.  How embarrassing.  =

I parked extra extra far away and walked to C’s place.  Then as I waited for C to open the door, this corolla tries to park in the spot.  It’s an older man and woman and they try several times and they get into the spot fine.  But then for whatever reason, they keep backing up and I was thinking, “hmm, he’s getting awfully close to that Nissan.”  Then he pulls forward again.  He’s in the spot perfectly already so I’m not sure what he’s doing (but maybe he can’t see either).  Then he decides to back up again.  Back up…back up…back up…um…TAP!  He totally taps the car behind him!!!  I was just staring at them.  Then he pulls forward and parks as if nothing happened.  Just at that time, C came so went in and didn’t see if they even checked the other person’s car.  But I’m so glad that it wasn’t me!!!  And so glad people weren’t watching!  I should practice parking my car sometime lol.

07.22.12
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Bolt to the Q

It’s been a long time since I’ve actually wanted to post pictures of people on my blog.  I usually try to not even mention names as to keep things somewhat private.  I kinda want to post our post-race picture because I like it a lot.  :)  But too bad…lol.

F, C, and I ran in the Chargers/Kaiser Bolt to the Q 5K on Saturday.  It was pretty fun.  TYP kindly dropped us off super duper early at 6:15am at the start.  The race would start at Murphy Canyon Rd near Aero drive and end at the 50 yard line in the stadium.  We had signed up for this race awhile ago because I wanted to do an “official” 5K to see how fast I could run a 5K.  The last official one I did was back in 2006 at the La Jolla 5K/Half Marathon which I ran it in 31:56/10:16 pace.  We picked this one because it sounded the coolest – getting to run into the stadium and onto the field.  Though the actual reality of it was that it wasn’t THAT cool..lol…because you couldn’t stand on the grass or play around lol.  Anyway…

The course for this race was primarily downhill which is good 5K for new runners.  It also makes it a fast one.  Downhill however is not good for all the injuries we came into the race with.  F’s calf was injured, C’s calf was injured, and my knee has been pretty jacked.  All these injuries but F & I still PR’d which was great.  Our goal was to run it under 30 minutes – which was also my goal back in October.  There were supposedly 3000 runners and the first 2500 would get Chargers headbands.  We joked that we better make it in and not get beat by people.

The start of the race wasn’t so good.  My knee was hurting right from the get go so I was lagging behind.  I think everyone was hurting a bit too lol.  The first mile was about right at 10 minutes.  If we were going to make it under 30 minutes we’d have to pick up the pace.  There was some slight incline in mile 1 – totally didn’t anticipate that – it was mildly difficult for a short period of time but doable.  Mile 2 was downhill – making it super fast and somewhat painful – though my knee actually didn’t hurt that much once it has warmed up a bit.  I believe mile 2 ended up roughly at a 8:35 pace.  Mile 3 was in some trail area that ended up being very narrow (for the amount of people that were running).  You could run about 3 people wide.  It was hard to pass people.  Mile 3 ended up around 9:20 pace.  These were all unofficial splits from my watch.  Official time?

  • Overall: 681 out of 2594 / Division: 40 out of 297 / Gender: 192 out of 1387
  • Pace:  9:20 / Chip Time:  29:00:00 / Clock Time:  31:04:00
Sweetness.  29 flat.  I bet we could go faster too since the splits were so varied and we were all injured.  Next 5K goal – sub 29. :)
Oh yeah, we got our headbands.  :)
07.19.12
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:)

What? Is that a smiley face?  Ha, surprised myself.  ;)

Was planning on taking my team out for dinner since one of the girls is going on vacay before my end.  We all went out and I was going to treat everyone and you know what happened?  They treated me.  Wow.  So touched.  :)

They really like me.  :)  They kept telling me I was a good manager and one guy even said I was the coolest manager he had ever had.  That’s so nice.

One of the things about being in charge is that you want to be liked.  You never want to be the one that people starting talking bout when you step out of the room.  It’s nice to be liked.

Funny thing too – they asked, “how are you always so calm?”  So even keeled.  Funny they don’t know how NOT CALM I am all the time.  I guess I put on a good face when I’m there in efforts to be the buffer.  If I’m calm, it helps them not freak out.  :)

Ah, I’m going to miss my team.