I’m beginning to see that practicing things does make things seem easier.  Or maybe I’m fooling myself by crediting practice.  Perhaps it’s not even that I am finding things easier, I’m just finding things to not be as bad as they used to be.  Then again, that does not mean it’s still not scary or that it doesn’t phase me.  Or maybe it is really just that I am scared but I don’t have enough time to react.  It’s also somewhat amusing that from the past few sentences, I seemingly am scared to just say it.

Anyway, what is this all about?  Public speaking, talking to people, small group praying…  I was having a conversation the other day with someone and I realized that there are other people out there like me – those who don’t particularly like social events, talking in groups, meeting with random people, etc.  And as I talked to this person and listened to them, I totally could relate.  The weird thing was that I realized I’m no longer in that super duper scared stage.  While I am still uncomfortable and scared a lot of the times, it’s really not as bad as it used to be.  I mean, I still don’t like it, but I haven’t had the crazy side effects that I normally do.

On Sunday, I went to the canto service with K who brought 3 freshies from UCSD.  As usual when there are new people at church, they like to introduce them or have them introduce themselves to everyone.  I always always dreaded that at church and luckily I have gotten away with never having to do that at the English congregation.  However, this canto service was a different story.  Before service, they had taken down the names of the 3 freshies and so they had asked them to stand up and introduce themselves on the mic.  Then the pastor asked if someone brought them there today and they pointed to K.  K got up to introduce herself on the mic.  AND THEN…the pastor goes, “and who’s that sitting next to you?”  Shoot.  That’s me.  Crap.  Now I have to stand up and introduce myself on a MICROPHONE IN CANTO.  =O  As I stood up, I immediately felt this rush of heat go to my head/face.  I introduced myself quickly.  Aside from the crazy heat, I didn’t experience any other craziness.  I think its because it happened so quickly.  I didn’t have time to dwell on it and wait in anticipation for it to happen.

Then that night we went to dinner at souplantation.  I always fear the moment that we are sitting around in silence, not eating, waiting for someone to pray.  It makes me soo uncomfortable.  I’m always scared that someone will ask me to pray and no I don’t want to.  But sure enough, as we sat around and stared at each other, one person put their finger on their nose.  I was confused at first since this was probably the first or second time I’ve seen people do that.  Then, I realized that it was a way of saying “not it”, so I did it too.  I don’t think I was the last person because I clearly saw others do it after me, but they were saying I was last.  So I guess I was “it”.  I hesitated for a moment, but decided not to try to pass it off or reveal my fear or discomfort, I was thinking in my head, “here we go”.  So I said, “ok, ok, let’s pray.”  And so I did it, I always feel kind of weird because I think that I won’t have a good prayer, or it’ll be too short or whatever.  But, I’m starting to realize that most people’s meal prayers are pretty similar anyway.

So another two accomplishments (hey, I think they’re accomplishments).  But still, its uncomfortable, but its getting slightly better.