Ah, I think I’m behind on my reflections for 2009 as well as my outlook on 2010.  I always like to begin by refreshing my memory of what I wrote last year to see what’s different about this year.  Also, after reading KK’s family letter about all the things they did throughout the year, I realized that I also really like that format so I might throw a little bit of that in too.  So, expect this to be very jumbled. ?

Last year I wrote this about my goals and outlook for 2009: “With all that said it’s time to look forward to 2009, where I hope to accomplish several things in no particular order: Start working out on a regular basis and eat better. Finish redesigning CBC’s website and start designing my own. Find myself a nice guy and a new direction in my career. Take home the football championship. Learn to really play the guitar.”

Which of those things did I accomplish?  Finished redesigning CBC’s website and began designing my own, took on a new direction with my career, and took home the football championship (sort of).  And, I guess I pretty much failed at the rest…haha.

2009…what can I say?  It was for the most part extremely stressful and tough but ended up okay.  Here it goes in no particular order…

I think I really learned to rely on God and to really seek Him.  It was about letting Him take control and lead instead of me trying to control everything.  There were extremely long periods of intense stress, desperation, and cries for help, for something, anything.  It was everyday, it was all throughout the day.  I was in a place that I didn’t want to be in, I was in a place that was seriously making me depressed and extremely stressed out.  I was so desperate I was willing to do unreasonable things to get out.  I was trying to get out but couldn’t find an out.  I would get glimmers of hope but would be shut down.  I really had to learn to trust on God and His timing.  It really showed me how much I needed God and I wonder if that was His way of showing that to me too.

Finally, I got the open door.  It took a long time but when it happened it happened so quick.  It happened so quick that it was unreal.  Unreal.  It was like I opened my eyes and boom, it was a whole new world.  Sometimes when I’m getting stressed out now, I really have to remind myself of what a blessing this is.  This is a step in the right direction.  It’s challenging, stressful, and tough at times, but it’s a better place to be in.  And that I am thankful for.

Another thing was that my best friend had made the decision to move to China, though she was only gone for a few months initially, everything that had led up to that made me very very sad.  I guess when you hang out and live with someone for so many years, you just don’t ever think about them not being around anymore.  It took some time to get used to but I think God definitely blessed me with friendships all over so that I wouldn’t be lonely.

I got to go on vacation with my family.  I am usually hesitant because I don’t like traveling, especially when it’s international.  But it was definitely an experience to travel in China and Malaysia.  Definitely a different experience and not an opportunity that everyone gets.  It was also a good time of bonding.  We had tons of laughs and great pictures.  It’s difficult for our whole family to travel together these days because of everyone’s work schedule and my brother’s school schedule but being able to just spend those 2 weeks together was good.

I mean, I guess that’s pretty much it.  Much of the year was spent finding that open door and trying to survive where I was at.  After that, things got better.  Now what I need to do is to continue to seek God with as much passion and desire as I did when I was crying for help.  To learn to call out to Him when things are going well or aren’t extremely bad.

The outlook for 2010 is good.  I want it to be a good year, a great year.  I want it to be filled with adventures and new beginnings.  I want it to be filled with happiness.  The goals for 2010 are to eat better and lose some weight, yeah I know, isn’t that everyone’s goal every year?  Yes.  But I want to be back at the weight I was 3 years ago so that is the goal.  Also, to be less stressed and to be happier.  To live life and not let things get to me.  To get myself off the singles list.  To maybe get a new car?  To reorganize my computer files…haha.  To get dual monitors set up.  To learn how to use my camera.  To spend more time keeping in touch with old friends.  And of course, to seek God more.

Here’s to an outstanding 2010!