For some reason, I have on several occasions gotten emotional during service.  I think it’s just a time when whatever message or song really just hits my heart/mind.  A few weeks ago, there was a lot of talk about burdens, and the message, the songs, and the prayers just hit me hard as my mind just filled with every single burden I had and I just started tearing.  I don’t think anyone saw me though cause I was trying to hold it in.  Well, maybe F did cause she was next to me.  Who knows…

Then today as we sang, “Oh No, You Never Let Go” by Matt Redman, as soon as the lines hit:

Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

It was like bam, I felt like God was embracing me, holding me so tightly, reminding me that He is always there, “through the calm and through the storms”.  And started getting emotional again.  It was a really good reminder and experience that He never lets go in all circumstances.  Every high and low, calm and storms, He is there.  And I feel like at this point in my life, recently, even the things that shouldn’t be stressful for me, things that are supposed to be good, things that I enjoy, have created a lot of underlying stress for me.  And I was thinking that wow, nothing in life is really going well right now, because even the seemingly good things, aren’t deep down.  But God is reminding me that He is with me through it all and that He cares and hears me.

Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

You keep on loving
And You never let go

Thanks for loving me and my brokenness.

It’s interesting to look at thoughts from the past…

2005

• Go to business school FT
• Go somewhere else
• Start a business somehow
  • Start something new – have not thought of yet
  • Build a website to sell something – what should I sell?

I feel like people are little glass jars.  The glass jar basically holds us together.

The last few days I’ve been feeling kind of crummy – more today than other days.  I guess I feel kind of sad.  A lot of my friends are going through hard times right now.  I was making a prayer list last night and realized that we’re all so broken.

Some people’s glass jars have been shattered and are in so many pieces they don’t know how to put them together nor do they think they can even put it together.  Some people are broken but in fewer pieces.  Others have pieces missing but most of it is still there.  Others have large cracks in them, ready to break at any time.  Others have chips in them.  Some people have lost their pieces.  Others are trying hard to hold them together.

Me?  I feel like I have a lot of chips and if I get anymore, well, it might not hold together so well.

People are so broken right now that it breaks my heart.  When I think about all the different things people are going through, it just makes me sad.  And we as friends all try to be strong for each other.  I think it is so important that we do.

And as I think some more about glass – a broken glass can’t really get put back together.  What happens when a glass is broken?  You throw it away.  I think about how we’re all really just trying to hold ourselves together, to be strong and not let things affect us, or how we go about picking up the broken pieces wondering how we can put it all back together.  And I don’t think we can.

But I do think that God can.  God can heal the broken.  He can make things new.  People fail each other all the time.  Other things we rely on, things that consume our lives, they all fail.  But God never fails.  He is the rock, the stronghold, the light that keeps on shining when everything is dark.  We need to remember that.

Listen to the Lyrics

God must want my attention.  Well, He’s got it.

2011 seems to have been so far…a year of conflict.  Conflict with many situations, many people, and many things.  And I’ve been trying to grasp the lesson and message from it.

I’m also experiencing the craziness that ensues due to my tendency to escalate unconfirmed scenarios in my mind.  Yes, I have made that realization, but it’s really difficult for me to not.

But I must say, it is important at times to step back and get an alternative perspective – to take a look at the bigger picture and understand what really matters and what doesn’t.

We could all use a little wisdom.

⁵ If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. ⁶ But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. (James 1:5-6).

Again and again, Proverbs 3:5-6 resonates:

⁵ Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
⁶ in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.

Every single part of that passage is so important.

Let us pray boldly.

After playing 4 straight days of basketball at the end of last week and early this week, I found myself craving exercise the past 2 days.  How strange.  While I’m exercising, it’s a freaking pain and sometimes really sucks when you feel like you need an oxygen mask.  But afterwards, it feels good.

It’s way easier to workout with 1) people in better shape than you, 2) people who are telling you what to do (aka at basketball practice).  1 is good because they push you to do more than you normally would by yourself.  Heck, by myself, I would give up 5 minutes into it and stop whenever I got tired, which is pretty quickly.  2 is good because you can’t stop, lol.  If someone is telling you to run lines, do defensive slides, etc.  You can’t really be like, I’m not going to do it.  You have to.

Yesterday, I worked out with C.  We were supposed to just shoot around but it ended up way more than that.  We were going to run until the courts freed up.  One lap around was a little more than 1 mile.  We ran 1 and up this hill, man I was so tired.  Then we threw the football around, little did I know, C. wasn’t done.  She wanted to run another lap!  She normally runs 3 laps.  Crazy.  So I was like, fine, but no hill.  While I was struggling along, C was just running little loops beside me!  Geez, I’m slow and out of shape.  Haha.  Then we threw the football around more.  Then she’s like ready for 3?  I’m like no!  Lol.  She’s like, alright, next time we’ll run 2 straight. -_-

Then we got back to her apartment and she’s like, now I do push-ups and crunches.  What?!  She does 50 wall push-ups and 50 crunches on the ball – 3 sets.  I did 20 girl push-ups and 20 crunches on the ball – 3 sets.  By the last set, I couldn’t even do a push-up anymore.  And my abs were burning!

Today, I’m a bit sore.  I should definitely exercise more with C.  I think I exercise much better when I’m being pushed.

I’ve only had 2 close set of friends that have given birth so far.  One of them is my friend J and D who live up north.  Since they live up north, I wasn’t able to really see J throughout her pregnancy or even see the baby when she was born.  I only finally met their baby girl back in March this year.  On the other hand, M and L, just had their baby boy.  Being close to them, I was able to basically watch M’s tummy get bigger and bigger with baby O.  I got to feel baby O testing out his karate skills through M’s tummy.  I haven’t been this close to anyone having a baby before.  We had all been awaiting O’s arrival.  I couldn’t wait for him to come out.

Seeing baby O made me think a lot.  I didn’t get to hold him yet because I’m still getting over a cold.  But, I’m already in love with him.  :)  It’s amazing to think that this baby was in M’s stomach!! The idea is still crazy to me – all this pregnancy stuff.  As we all celebrate the arrival of baby O, the beauty of this baby keeps resonating my mind.  I feel like this little boy has brought people a little closer, helped people become a little more sensitive, helped people feel, helped people observe and further realize that God creates beautiful beings.  I think there are few things in this world that can be called precious.  One of the definitions for precious is “Of great value; not to be wasted or treated carelessly.”  As I look into baby O’s face, I think, precious.  O is so precious.  I feel like baby O’s arrival has triggered some additional happy emotions in all of us – reminding us of the beauty of this life, this life that God has given to us.

I can’t wait to hold little O for the first time and watch him grow up. :)

F. bought a bunch of bubbles from party city this weekend and we had a lot of fun playing with them.  This afternoon was a beautiful day.  It was warm, with a slight breeze, we were all just hanging out at the house and in the backyard.  I was blowing bubbles and watching them float away and a thought came to me.  Maybe bubbles exude happiness or at least…maybe they could.  After all, we  were having a lot of fun just playing with them and watching them.  It was so simple, so innocent.  What would happen if we stood somewhere with a good amount of foot traffic and just started blowing bubbles everywhere?  Maybe some people would get mad, but maybe it would make some people happy and just brighten up their day.  Maybe, they would want to join us.

Those thoughts were kind of driven by one of the things Jaeson Ma did for his 365 Days of Love campaign where he stood on the streets of Los Angeles and danced if people honked.  He just wanted to put a smile on people’s faces on a Friday afternoon.  It also made me think of Where the Hell is Matt?  P. had told me about this guy before.  He traveled around the world to do one silly little dance and had people all around the world join him.  Sure, it was backed by advertisement but it was so simple.  People were so happy to just dance.

Maybe bubbles can put a smile on someone’s face.

//photo by: jasoneppink from bubble battle NYC

edit: ha, the formatting on this thing is jacked and I don’t know how to fix it.  I need to upgrade my wordpress but I’m afraid of losing everything. fail.

BEGIN POST:

I am so busy.  I feel like a lot of us have all of a sudden gotten very busy in the last year or so.  I don’t even know what we’re busy with, but we are.  I remember a time where I would usually be home at night most of the weeks, where there was time to cook, time to talk on the phone, time to play on the internet, time to respond to emails, time to pay bills, time to sleep, time to do laundry, time to learn to play the guitar, time to update websites, time to blog.  There once was such a time.  Now?  No more.

Now I am consumed by work and activities nearly every night.  All these activities, well, they’re good, it’s just a lot.  And, I’m a sucker for hanging out.  I’m a sucker for going out to dinner.  It’s hard to say no.  I think I’m getting burned out.  Actually, I am getting burned out.  I think I’ve been slowly getting burned out for the last year or so.  Yikes.

It’s not that activities are the only thing that take up time.  Thinking takes up time.  Thinking about work, thinking about life, thinking about thinking…  So, it must be that thinking paired up with activities makes me one highly stressed person.

Just the other day I was telling a friend that I feel like I’m a lot less sensitive than I used to be.  In fact, I think I’m more mean.  I’m more easily irritated and annoyed than before.  I don’t like that.

I need more time or less activities.  I think I’d like more time because with more time I might be able to still enjoy my activities while having time for myself.  Or what might happen is that extra time would get filled with more activities which would be NG.

Image Credit: renjith krishnan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net