I find it odd that someone like me who is so afraid of people, who is such an introvert, so shy, and quiet desires to not be alone.  It almost seems completely out of character.  I hate that feeling of being alone.  Of course some me time is good sometimes, but I think more often than not, I’d rather have people around me and I’d rather interact with them.  I think.  I didn’t have any food in the house and needed to go out to eat.  I tried to find someone to go eat with, but sadly no one was available.  I guess I’m just so used to having people around.  I think one of my fears is to be alone.  To have no one to talk to and to have no one to do anything with.  As talks about how my best friend is probably soon going to be on the other side of the world, I feel sad.  I’m so used to having someone there where I can just be like, “let’s go eat” or “let’s go do this”.  I don’t know what I’m going to do when she’s gone.  It already makes me sad to think about it.  Sigh.

In attempts to keep this thing alive, I think that if I don’t have anything to write about, I will share a story or a random fact about myself.  At least I will try to.

Do you know what everyone should do?  Everyone should go visit every food/restaurant website they like and subscribe for their newsletters.  Why?  Because you constantly get coupons and normal people don’t get and also because most likely you will get something free for your birthday!!

Yesterday for lunch, I went to Daphne’s and Rubios because I had free meal coupons from both.  I shared one with my coworker.  It was so nice.  At Rubios, I could order up to $7 worth of food.  I ordered the shrimp burrito that I have wanted to try for so long but didn’t because it costs almost $7 itself.  It was tasty!  At Daphne’s, I could get a free plate, any plate.  Those plates range from $7-$10.  Sweet deal!! =D

Last night, I went to Red Robin and redeemed my free burger!  That’s another $9-$10 saved!  Things I still have left are a shake from Fuddruckers, and something from Chevy’s, Beyond the Border, and Famous Dave’s.  But I don’t know what they are yet because I didn’t click on the coupon because the expiration date is activated from the time you click on the coupon.  The rest of the stuff I got all expires on Friday (2 weeks from when it was sent out).

So, if you want free food, sign-up!!  Plus the coupons are sweet too! :)

I’m not sure how often they have a blood drive at cbc but I think this is the 2nd one I’ve seen since I’ve been here (or I just haven’t paid attention).  The flyer was in the bulletin for a few weeks and I had contemplated about doing it but I have always thought I couldn’t because I once tested positive for TB.  I never actually had TB, I just unfortunately got exposed to  it.  But I read online that it was okay as long as you didn’t have it.  The blood drive was on Sunday and even throughout the week I was thinking about it but still unsure.

Then after the service, LA was like, hey you should give blood, I bet you’d be good at it.  And I was like, well I thought about it, but I don’t know…  She said she would buy me lunch if I did it.  So we went up to the little table to look, but no one was there.  We were flipping through the little book of info when this unfriendly lady came out and just stared at us.  Hello to you too.  She didn’t even say anything to us!!  She should have been asking us if we were interested or had any questions.  She just stared.  So LA was like, she (me) wants to give blood.  So then the lady gave me this card to fill out and was like, go inside when you’re done.  Thanks?

So I was getting pretty nervous when I went into the bus.  I had to go in this tiny tiny room with this lady and she asked me a bunch of questions and then pricked my finger.  And then it was time to give blood.  They have you lay down and they tourniquet your bicep area and handed me a stress ball to squeeze.  Cleaned my arm for 30 seconds with iodine and then proceeded to prick me with a large needle.  I watched the whole thing!  That needle was much bigger than the ones normally used at the doctor’s.  So I laid there and let my blood drain into this baggy.  LA was telling me that if I beat this guy (who had started before me), that she would give me $5!  That guy had been lying there for so long!!  I guess my blood came out really fast!  Good flow.  But I lost by like 30 seconds!!!! So close.  You give a whole pint of blood.  That’s 16 oz as in like a water bottle (a little smaller than the costco ones) – crazy!  I got up and had some snacks (oj and cookies) and I even got a too big t-shirt.  I felt a little weak but I was okay.

Part of me didn’t want to give blood because you’re not supposed to do strenuous exercise afterwards and I knew we were going to play ultimate.  But that was kind of a selfish reason so I did it anyway.  I was convinced that ultimate wouldn’t be strenuous exercise.  Boy was I wrong!!!  I played one short point and needed to sub out.  Then I went back in and at one point after I had stopped sprinting, I like couldn’t breathe.  My heart was beating so hard!!  And then all of a sudden my vision started to go nuts.  I couldn’t see anything.  And I was like crap, I think I need to get off the field NOW (which I should have).  But I was like no I’m supposed to wait till the point.  And, I didn’t want people to wonder what I was doing (not running).  So I tried to walk around near the play but my eyes were so warped (it was kind of frightening – things were like turning black and white (bright).  Luckily, the play clock ran out and I went off and laid down.  And LA was like drink more liquids.  So I pretty much laid down for the whole time!  I think if I had stayed on the field any longer or tried to run, I would have passed out.  I guess sprinting is strenuous exercise.  Maybe if I was just standing there playing frisbee catch it would be okay.  Lesson learned.

Also, I was surprised to find so few people donating blood.  With so many people at the congregation, you would expect more people to participate.  I think people don’t do it because they are unsure of what it entails.  But quite frankly, its effortless.  I think a flyer is not as strong as word of mouth.  I think if more people were told about it and why it was important, and how easy it was, then more people would do it.  They should advertise in the small groups.

I admit that I did feel nervous the whole time and I wished that the workers were more friendly (which I heard that they usually were).  I’m glad I got the little push I needed to go and do it, because otherwise, I really don’t think I would have done it.  Will I do it again?  Probably but I think I still need the moral support.

The Need is Constant.  The Gratification is Instant.  Give Blood.

So let me lay down in this field
And stare up at the sky
I hope the days and clouds
Turn into something
As they pass us by
Jars of Clay – These Ordinary Days

I think something that I will never stop being in awe of is the sunset sky.  I think it is the most beautiful part of nature.  It is also my favorite thing to look at and experience.  Every single time I look at it I am so captured by its beauty.  It really shows me and reminds me of how magnificent God is and how awesome his creation is.

On Sunday before we started play Ultimate, I was laying down on the field with my hands behind my head and I was just staring up into the sky.  It was so awesome and so neat.  Bright blue skies with white streaks.  It was endless.  So I laid there in awe.  It was great.

PIctures don’t do justice for the real thing.  I can still envision the sunset from Sunday.  It was amazing.  The sun was glowing.  Half the sky still blue with streaks.  The moon was out.  I loved it.  I couldn’t help but just stand there and watch.

Every time I’m outside and its sunny with blue skies, I am so thankful.  It makes me so happy.

One college during the summer, I would always go to La Jolla Shores when the sun would set and just sit there and watch and be amazed.

I would love to go to the beach to watch the sunset and take more photos now.  I think one weekend I’ll go do that.

The heavens proclaim the glory of God.  The skies display his craftsmanship. Psalm 19:1

I finally went to the doctor after my hypocrappo (Still calling it that because hypercrapper sounds more bathroom related than hypocrappo and hypercrappo doesn’t flow well and hypercrapper sounds even more bathroom related than the first one!) flare up.  I got my blood test on Tuesday and the levels were still out of range :(  they were closer, but not in range yet.  I have been feeling much much better.  Still have trembling, a few headaches once in awhile, still have a very enlarged thyroid (I can see it and feel it) and still feel weak (but that’s cause I lost all my muscles).  But I have much more energy now and my heart is not racing so that’s really good.  Anyway, the nurse that took my bp and weighed me was cool.  Every time I go to the doctor, I really notice whether or not the people are friendly.  This girl was cool, she was very talkative and she even noticed my birthday was in a few weeks and wished me a happy early birthday.  Other nurses just take your vitals and then don’t say anything.  As much as I’m afraid of people talking to me I find it a much better experience when the nurses and doctors are friendly.  The doc came in and it was cool that he reviewed my chart before because the first thing he said to me was, “are you feeling better?” like he knew I was feeling horrible.  Well he did know because I got to email him.  It’s so cool to be able to email questions and concerns to the doctor!  Anyway, he showed me my lab work and it showed that everything was normal last year after April all the way to October.  Then something crazy happened between October and February when my hypocrappo went nuts!!  He’s like what happened here?  Did something different happen?  Did you stop your meds?  Did you miss a few weeks?  Did you have a lot of stress?  I was thinking that I missed a dose here and there but nothing significant.  Stress, I think I’m always stressed about work, maybe it was particularly stressful at that time.  He said it was weird that it shot up so high.  Oh yes, whenever I go to the doctor and see the doctor, I’m always nervous.  So I always get very warm and start to sweat, which made me even more nervous because the doctor had to feel my neck and I was concerned that it would be gross because I was sweating and yadadada.  Anyway, so he checked the thyroid said it was still very swollen, checked my trembling, still trembling quite a bit, examined my eyes (still irritated but unknown if its contacts or from hypocrappo).  So, I’m supposed to get another blood test in a few weeks and I need to see an ophthalmologist to make sure my eyes aren’t all jacked from it.  I had another theory on why things could have gotten out of control.  I had started to eat out very very very frequently and when you eat out those places are extremely ridiculously high in sodium.  The common type of sodium used contains iodine.  Iodine is like fuel for fire when it comes to triggering the thyroid.  I asked the doc about this and he said the meds should have been able to handle it and that maybe my dosage wasn’t enough back then.  But I don’t know, I still think its valid.  At home I only use non-iodized salt and I haven’t cooked very much lately.  Well, I’m kind of nervous to see the ophthalmologist, I hope everything is okay.  I also hope my levels are back to normal in a few weeks!

A few weeks ago someone told me that one of the people at my work was diagnosed with cancer.  The word cancer scares me.  To hear about people having cancer makes me sad because when I think about it, everyone I’ve heard about or read about with it did not survive it.  Cancer seems so agressive to me and it kind of just takes over.  So every time I saw this lady, I felt sad for her.  She didn’t know that I knew and she’d talk and seem normal and I just felt sad.  But she seems just fine.  I saw her today and she told me that she was just diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer.  Yet, she didn’t seem to feel too sorry for myself.  In fact she had a cheerful disposition.  She said that everything was going to be alright, that it was good they caught it early, and that she’s going to do the treatment and while it may be sucky for awhile, she was going to be okay.  That reminded me that people do beat cancer, many people have beat it.  It was good that she was optimistic about things.  And while I was feeling sad for her, I am now thinking that I should be positive too.  So while cancer may be this black cloud for this lady, there is a silver lining because she can beat it.  Every black cloud has a silver lining.

yes my blog is alive once again!

So my symptoms are still very apparent even though the meds have been increased.  I’ve lost so much muscle that it is kind of frightening if you think about it.  My calves are like mush, if you touch it, even when I’m flexing, its just soft.  It’s scary.  In fact, all parts of my body where muscles used to be have turned into complete mush.  It makes me sad. :(

I think the fact that the football tournament was postponed yesterday was a blessing in disguise.  I really don’t know if I would have been able to last if I had to play a full day of football yesterday.  I felt so sick the whole day.  I basically slept the night before for about 12 hours.  Woke up at 11:30am and felt sick around 1 so slept some more.  Then felt sick some more and slept around 5..then went to sleep at 9pm.  I kept feeling so nauseous.  :(  It’s so odd to have lose so much weight from muscle.  I feel so weak.  It makes me tired to stand and as I tried to carry a box to church today, my legs were shaking.  The box had a good weight to it, but it should in no way warrant shaking legs.  Anyway, I feel a little better today than yesterday, so it really must be a blessing in disguise.  Tournament in about 2 weeks, I hope to be restored then.

So my hypocrappo (made up name) is back.  I am 3x over the range I am supposed to be in.  That’s bad.  In hindsight, I should have known, all the signs were there.  But, I never put it together, this is not the first time.  And everytime, LA is right.  I shoulda listened to her when she told me that it must be my hypocrappo.  I haven’t been feeling well for a long time now.  I keep getting these nauseating feelings and keep being really tired.  I have a history of tension headaches that are almost like migraines where I will feel really nauseous and my head will feel really heavy and the only thing that fixes it is sleep.  So, I just kept thinking it was that.  The doc had told me there was no “cure” per se for tension headaches, just to knock it away by taking massive amounts of IB.  But now that I think about the symptoms I’ve had in the past few months, it totally points to hypocrappo.  Tiredness.  Fatigue.  Trembling Hands.  Breathlessness.  Warm moist skin.  Wow.  I did notice my hands shaking awhile ago but didn’t think much of it.  When I think back to football practice last week, I was winded after not having done very much.  I thought I was out of shape.  That wasn’t it, it was totally this.  This happened a few years ago too when I tried to play sports.  It even happened tonight at basketball.  I was so exhausted after running for just a bit and could barely catch my breath and I thought my heart was gonna to explode out of my chest.  Another symptom, weight loss.  I rarely weigh myself, but after my blood test results, I decided to tonight.  I normally don’t like to weigh myself at the end of the day after I’ve eaten and consumed so many liquids.  Weight at night is usually heavier than in the morning.  So if I weighed myself tonight and it was less than what I normally weighed, then truly it was the hypocrappo.  Sure enough, I weighed 6lbs less than normal morning weight.  I’ll weigh myself again tomorrow morning.  Losing more than 5lbs by not doing much is a really bad sign.  I think the last time I got really sick, I lost 12lbs.  And now that I think of it, 3 times in the past couple of months people have said I looked like I had lost weight!  Wow.  Well I’m partly glad its raining and the football tournament might be moved, because I don’t think I can make it through the whole thing with the lack of energy I’ve had.  I’ve also noticed that I’ve been sleeping super early because I feel so tired.  It’s kind of good that I can up the dosage on my meds before the tourney.  Even when LA was telling me it was the hypocrappo, I didn’t think it was because I just had a blood test in October and everything was normal, so why would everything get all jacked up so quickly?  Now I know I need to really pay attention to symptoms and weigh myself once in awhile to make sure things are normal.  Whew.

Although I’ve had to battle with hypocrappo for such a long time, I’m really kind of thankful that it is just that and nothing more serious.  And that I should be able to control it with meds.  Whew!

I hope my energy is restored soon!