It’s like cigarettes. No, I don’t smoke. But its like it. You know how smokers sometimes NEED a cigarette when they’re stressing. I need something too. I need a soda. I know it sounds odd but its true. I’m also a gum junkie. I opened a new pack of gum yesterday. 14 pieces total. I gave 2 away and now there are only 3 pieces left. So between yesterday and today I chewed more than half the pack by myself! Also as I was stressing out at work today, I needed a soda. It’s like fuel. Indeed it did make me feel a little better.

I have had comments from people that I look skinnier. I guess I can’t be too surprised because I did lose a large amount of weight from being sick. That’s not a very good way to do it. I am feeling better but still in no shape to play basketball. I played again tonight, it was better that last week but very far from when I feel normal. My muscles were so weak, it was like I couldn’t feel them when I tried to shoot the ball or run fast. I would try really hard to run fast or shoot harder but it wasn’t like that at all. Hopefully I get better soon.

Is there a boundary between work and personal life? If so, where is it at?

I went to the doctor. There was no diagnosis. But they did take 4 tubes of blood from me! They’re testing me for all kinds of things. I’ll know the results on Monday. They said if anything was crazy they would call me over the weekend. I hope I don’t get a call over the weekend.

When they were measuring my blood pressure, the machine kept stopping and beeping. The nurse asked if I was alright. She told me to relax and breathe in with my nose and out with my mouth. I did. The machine stopped again. She told me to sit back and once again breathe in with my nose and out with my mouth. Machine stopped again. She had me stand up and same thing. She asked if I had trouble breathing. She asked if I had shortness of breathe. I told her no. She said there wasn’t enough oxygen. Finally it recorded my blood pressure. It also took my pulse. I didn’t know what my pulse was until I looked at the paper. I thought it was weird that the nurse asked if my heart was beating fast. My pulse was a very high 119. That’s kinda disturbing.

One thing I didn’t mention to the nurse was that I get nervous. Whenever my blood pressure is being measured, I am very aware of my breathing and often times, I just hold my breath.

So I’ve been very fatigued and weak lately. I have shaky hands. Loss of (a lot) weight. Loss of appetite. Headache. Nausea sometimes. Just feeling very messed up. I hope they figure out what the problem is soon and fix me. I hope its nothing serious.

My head actually isn’t feeling very good right now so I should head to bed.

I think I’m ill. :(

As a kid I got bloody noses alot, well even when I wasn’t a kid I got them. They usually happened at night while I was sleeping. I haven’t had a bloody nose in awhile. But last night, I was woken up by the feeling of some warm liquid coming out of my nose and all over my face. I quickly got up and grabbed a tissue hoping to stop it, like I normally did. But this was no ordinary bloody nose, this was like a bloody faucet. It soaked right through the tissue as I ran to the bathroom. I pretty much stood over the sink and just let it drip. Or more realistically run. I was pinching my nose but it wasn’t stopping. I was actually getting a little worried that it wouldn’t stop. Sorry for the details. Finally it decided to slow down. I stuck a tissue up my nose and tried to clean up a little bit since having a running bloody nose kinda creates a mess. As I was cleaning up, the clot broke and once again it started running like crazy. Finally it sort of stopped. So I put a tissue up my nose and propped up my pillows and tried to fall back asleep. I didn’t really fall asleep since I was worried I would get blood everywhere. I don’t know what caused the bloody nose. Maybe I need a humidifier because of all the dry air. I don’t know what I need. I just hope it doesn’t happen again, its such an unpleasant experience.

It’s set, I’m moving again. We need to be moved out by the end of the month which is in a week. The timing is kind of bad, right around the holidays. Everything feels so rushed. Hopefully, I can actually get settled this time. I’ve been in the current place with a roommate for 4 months and to myself for 2. The new place will be different, but good I hope.

Work has been stressful. It’s kind of non-stop. But I’m hanging in there. Working hard.

As always, I’ve forgotten what I started to write about or what I really wanted to write about.