Ah ha.  School.  I’ve been thinking for a really long time on how to refer to such a place when I talk about it.  Some kind of nickname perhaps, but I’ve been unsuccessful so far.  However, I just thought of one that could work.  We’ll call it school from now on.

I feel like a new kid at a big new school.  I feel lost.  There are so many things going on – so many administrative things to do – so many questions I have – so many things.  The problem is since it’s a big school, it’s hard to know who can help me.  Unlike the old small school, it was easy.  Not only is this school big, I’m new too.  It’s a good thing I have one classmate that’s been there for awhile that I played basketball with that has been so helpful!

I’m still getting used to the freedom at this school.  I’m still learning the ropes.  Still trying to figure out where everything is – I got lost looking for a classroom the other day.

It’s exciting so far.

I’m in a generally happier state of mind.  It’s freeing.  It’s good.  :)  I feel healthier.

I feel like I’ve been deprived.  I’ve deprived myself of something so awesome for so long.

I know, maybe it is the honeymoon stage talking, but it’s been great even though it’s only been a day.

As I sat through this morning’s meeting, I couldn’t help but have a smirk on my face for much of the morning, wondering how I ended up here.  GOD IS GOOD.  Dang, He is so good.  Just sitting there through that meeting, I was thinking about how awesome it was, what these people do here, their mission, their vision, their passion, and how fitting it is.

The perks are great.  I need to get used to a big place again.  I feel a little overwhelmed and lost but surely it will subside.  There’s a nice deck view, there are large bean bags, heck there’s even a tv showing the olympics right in front of me.  Everyone seems chill.  I haven’t met that many new people, hopefully I’ll meet more soon and make some friends.

Dang, it’s good right now.  Real good.

Thank You God!

It begins tomorrow.  New beginnings.

Back to the grind.  It’s been nice to be on a break.  It was about a week and a half long but has surprisingly felt quite long.  Almost like I don’t know what it feels like to be back in the grind.  I guess that means it was a good and much needed break.

New beginnings.  I think I should feel excited and super happy, but in fact, I am a bit nervous.  New is exciting yet scary all at the same time.  You know me…scared of everything.  Yup.

New people.  New tasks.  New environment.  New grind.

Am I capable?  Will I like the people?  Will the people like me?  Will the environment suit me?  Will I be able to perform and deliver?

I want to really enjoy it.  I want it to last longer than the honeymoon stage.  I want it to last.  I want to be able to rave about it.  I want to be happy.  I want to have good relationships.  I want to enjoy what I do.  I want to have fun.

I don’t want drama, egos, or politics.

I also want to be a light.  I want to be able to show my faith through action.  God is putting me for a reason and I know it’s more than an answered prayer for escape.  He places people in certain places for His purpose.

So while I’m nervous, I will take tomorrow in stride.

Cheers to new beginnings.  :)

I feel relaxed.  It’s a little weird.  It kind of feels like it’s just the weekend or that I’ve taken a few days off.  It’ll kick in much more soon.

I’ve been able to sleep in a little bit which is nice.  I actually don’t want to sleep in too much because I don’t want to get used to a lazy schedule!  :)

Yesterday, I enjoyed my time eating breakfast, got a haircut, went to the bank, went to the post office, and headed down to Liberty Station.  My, how much can be accomplished – not sure how I ever managed otherwise, I guess I just never did any of those things.  ;)

I had only been down to Liberty Station maybe 3 times for food and maybe once for the Rock.  I didn’t realize how nice it was.  There’s not a whole lot of stores but it was really nice to walk around.  I wanted to just walk around, do nothing, relax, breathe in the fresh air, explore a little bit, it was so nice.  I wanted to head to Con Pane for lunch as it has been highly recommended.  I randomly parked my car and picked a direction to walk.  I had all the time in the world so it didn’t matter.  What a nice feeling.  Nowhere to be, no demands to be met, freedom.  I walked until I found a map and realized I had been walking the wrong way!  Haha, that’s okay though.  So I walked back the other way and found Con Pane.  It was closed!!!  :(  Sad times.  I was so hungry lol.  It was almost 2pm.  It  had a paper sign saying it was closed on Wednesdays but the hours printed on the door said otherwise.  Oh well.  I decided to head to Da Kine’s, after all I hadn’t been there in years (there used to or is one in PB).  Randomly bumped into P. and had lunch with him.  Afterwards, I spent about an hour just walking around NTC park.  It was nice, sunny, breezy, pretty.  Loved it.  :)

I decided to stay south to see if C. was going to get off work soon.  I headed over to mission valley mall to hit up nordstrom rack.  I walked around the mall for a bit until C. told me she was headed home.  Went over to her place, tossed the football around, attempted to ride a bicycle for like 2 minutes (man, that was freaking scary lol).  We went to luche libre for dinner, that place is pretty good.

It’s been relaxing to just do whatever I want, eat at different places, and just explore.  To not be limited by time.  Ahh, what a life.  Gotta savor the next week and a half.

:)

I can’t believe this day has come.  Tomorrow will probably feel even stranger – a relief.

On my drive home last night I was thinking about a lot of things, about the way I act and portray myself, my character, my work ethic, my words and actions throughout the final days.  One of my guys had asked me if I was going to just go in and peace out.  I said to him, “what do you think?  Have I not been here every single one of these days and for the full day?”

It has been crazy.  Crazy and stressful.  It’s been draining and emotional.  As I thought more and more about the whole situation, I thought, “I don’t do you like you do me.”  As poorly as I have been treated, as difficult of a time you have made for me, I have still given you all of me.  I don’t cheat you, I don’t retaliate, I continue to give you me until the end.  Professionalism, tact, and class until the end.  I will not stoop to your level.  I will follow what I believe is the right thing to do even though you’ve wronged me over and over again.  It’s called grace.  You may not have recognized my efforts and you may not care, but in the end, I have finished well.

If there’s anything I can do, it is to show my guys that I care about them, it is to show them how it’s supposed to be – what it’s like to have someone that genuinely cares.  I hope I have made a difference in their lives.  That they’ll look back and remember something good.  It doesn’t take much to please.

Someone texted me today and said, “I haven’t seen you smile or crack jokes like today in months – good luck with everything.”  Wow, isn’t that sad?  That is SO sad.

It’s nice to know that some people care and will miss me.  Others were upset because they were envious.  They know what they need to do.

I was sad and happy today.  Sad to say goodbye.  Happy to be done.

I didn’t even look back once.  I opened my window, drove off, yelled, “WHOOOO!!  THANK GOD!!” as I drove down the street.  I was so happy I was about to cry.  What a mix of feelings.

The day has come, the day has gone.  I spoke for the masses.  I let them know.  I hope it brings change.  I hope I have inspired movement, change, and realization in so many aspects.  I hope I have impacted people, lives, in a positive way.

I tried my best to finish well.  Finish well.  I couldn’t have gotten this far without Him.  He hears us, He knows our thoughts and desires.  He is faithful, He is good.  Praise God!

Thank you to all who have supported me, encouraged me, prayed for me, and listened to me throughout all the crazy.  Thank you so much – it really really has meant a lot!  :)

This chapter is closed.  On to the next.

What? Is that a smiley face?  Ha, surprised myself.  ;)

Was planning on taking my team out for dinner since one of the girls is going on vacay before my end.  We all went out and I was going to treat everyone and you know what happened?  They treated me.  Wow.  So touched.  :)

They really like me.  :)  They kept telling me I was a good manager and one guy even said I was the coolest manager he had ever had.  That’s so nice.

One of the things about being in charge is that you want to be liked.  You never want to be the one that people starting talking bout when you step out of the room.  It’s nice to be liked.

Funny thing too – they asked, “how are you always so calm?”  So even keeled.  Funny they don’t know how NOT CALM I am all the time.  I guess I put on a good face when I’m there in efforts to be the buffer.  If I’m calm, it helps them not freak out.  :)

Ah, I’m going to miss my team.