Dear Unannounced Mission Bowl Date,

You are putting my life to a complete standstill and frankly it’s been getting very frustrating.  =

I’m trying to go to Vegas with my friends but I can’t because I need to hold practices and prepare the team.

I’m trying to go to Taiwan with my family but the plans are sort of up in the air because I’m invested in the team and it doesn’t seem right to lead the team up to the tournament date only to say, “hey I’m going on vacation.”  Plus, I actually want to play too.

I signed up for a half marathon at the end of April – please don’t be that weekend.  I already had a hard time picking one because of how “up in the air” the date is.

People are getting married.  R&J, T&K.  I need to be at those.

I need to get commitments.  I need to order jerseys.  I need to finalize things.  I don’t want to have wasted everyone’s time in the past few months.

I know it’s hard to find a field.  My advice for next year would be to look a year in advance.

But please just announce the date – even if it’s way later.  At least, I can go on with my life.

Yes, the announced date is really putting my life at a standstill.

Please.

Also, that will keep everyone from asking me and asking me and asking me when it is – because I obviously don’t know.

Thanks.

…life is being sucked out of me.  I’m so tired of it.  Sometimes you pick your battles.  Sometimes you defend yourself.  Sometimes you just give in because maybe you don’t care anymore, maybe it isn’t worth fighting for, maybe it doesn’t really matter anyway.

I’m tired…mentally tired.  I’m drained.

There’s no progress and with the way things are going – there isn’t going to be any.

Let’s sit around and twiddle our thumbs.  Let’s fight about nothing.

Don’t complain about how things are when you are in full power to change them – don’t tell me that this and that are all wrong and it shouldn’t be done that way and not have an answer when I ask what way you want to do it and how you’re going to do it.

I’m not really interested in arguing for the sake of arguing either.  I used to fight the good fight.  Now, you can win – do what you want cause I throw in the towel.  It’s not worth it anymore.

So tired of it all…

I think I’ve become jaded.  Well, maybe I already became jaded awhile back – I’m just consciously recognizing and thinking about it more these days.

I guess it’s bad if when someone speaks to you, what you think in your head is that they’re just faking it, that it’s insincere, that they’re doing it for alternative reasons.

I feel like I’m too far in and the cause is no longer worth fighting for and that…is unfortunate.

What’s the point of trying if it doesn’t even matter?

It’s not personal?  Actually, it is.

Man, I think my body is getting old.  Easy to injure, slow to heal?

My throwing arm has already started bothering me.  This happens every year and it ends up being in pretty bad shape near and by the end of the season.  The problem is that mission bowl season hasn’t even started and we’re just tinkering with turkey bowls!  Eeks.  Need it to get stronger and perhaps less overused.

I hurt my left tricep playing “well I have a flush” about 2 weeks ago.  It wasn’t a sore type of pain, it was a injured type of pain.  I don’t even know what happened, I was just doing pushups.  I thought I had let it heal and it was feeling pretty good for a few days, then I decided to work out and probably doing all those pushups was a bad idea.  Then, because my right arm was hurting, I started throwing with my left arm and now the tricep hurts again.  Wonder if that’s from throwing or still hurting from the original injury.  It’s a weird pain – only when I use strength in a specific way which I haven’t pinpointed yet.

Also, I thought my fingers were sore from holding a football but 3-4 weeks later, my right ring finger is still hurting.  I can’t figure out what’s wrong with it.   It hurts on the bottom half when making a fist, grabbing things, etc.

Oh, and my back/shoulder pain is coming and going.  GO AWAY! Haha.

Oh, and my shins hurt from running.

Lastly, I rolled my ankle while sprinting on Sunday.  I stepped on some large piece of root or wood or bark or something and just fell over.  The strange thing is that while it felt pretty bad at that moment, it’s actually not too painful now.  It’s only painful sometimes and in weird spots.  But I just noticed it was slightly swollen today.  Eeks.

Geez, so many problems.  OLD.

The past 3 days have been a bit crazy but today topped it off.  I still can’t believe the things that happen, the effort involved, the extreme ridiculousness of things people do just to get what they want.  They’ll do it at the expense of others.  They don’t think, they don’t consult, they don’t inform.

Thanks for flinging me into an bad position for your / his sake.

Things that you don’t think can happen, happen.  Any idea of how things should be?  Well, throw that all out the window because you have no idea.  It’s a new world.  It takes adaptation, it takes openness, it takes patience, it takes some tough skin, a different breed of people, and a thick skin.

Please think before you act, please consider the consequences, please consider someone else because this time it really isn’t about you, it’s about me.

If you value someone, you should respect them, you should not hold out, you should not lead them on, you should ask for their opinion, you should consider them.

It’s wearing thin, it really is.  This is not what I want.

Sometimes things happen that I really don’t understand.

A few of us have a status meeting with a vendor every day at 10:30am for a project we’re working on.  This is at 10:30am M-F and has been going on for months.  Yet nearly every day, one of the people in the meeting ask me what time the meeting is.  Are you freaking serious?   It’s at 10:30!  It was at 10:30 yesterday and it will be today and it will be tomorrow, so stop asking me and pay attention!  People also have it on their calendars, so they should consider looking!  Gah!

There is another meeting that we have every day where when it is your turn, you are supposed to talk about 3 things in order.  Items 1, 2, and 3.  This meeting has also been going on for months, yet people every day still do it wrong.  You are supposed to address 1 & 2, then the next person goes, then the next, and so on and so forth.  Then, when it gets back to you again, you address 3 and it goes around the room, then we are done.  But EVERY DAY, people either go out of order, which throws people off, or miss items, or go off topic.  So then, you have half the room saying things a certain way, and the other half saying something else, then when it gets back to the original people, they don’t know what to say because they already said it or it is already past.  GAH!  C’mon, it’s really not that hard.  Really.

But sure enough, it happens EVERY DAY.

On a good note, yesterday, someone told me, “I feel like you’re the only person that makes sense around here.”

In certain types of situations, problems may arise.  When problems arise, I think there are 3 types of people.

1) The person who tries to figure out a solution

2) The person who tells someone there is a problem but does not try to find a solution

3) The person who doesn’t even acknowledge a problem

Which person are you?

We have signs posted around the business area near the office directing people to where our store is – at the intersections, at stop signs, etc.  Last week I drove by one of the signs and someone had put a piece of paper over our sign and it said written in black marker, “God wants His people to read God’s word too.”

My thoughts were…really?  I know, I know, let him who is without sin cast the first stone.  But I couldn’t help but think what a horrible act of witnessing that is.  I’m assuming that the person who put that there is somehow a follower of Jesus especially because of the content of the note but maybe not.  If it is, I feel slightly embarrassed, not to say I’m a great witness or even a good witness but really….to basically “vandalize” someone’s sign to put up that note?  What does that make people think of Christians?

I had told myself I wasn’t even going to tell anyone that the sign was covered because I was embarrassed by it.  But I accidentally forgot and mentioned it.  What do people then think of me if they know I’m a Christian?

Just don’t cover up people’s signs like that!  There are other ways of witnessing….and that is not a good way in my opinion.

I would like to stay drama free please.  PLEASE!  I do NOT want to be involved.  Sigh.