The unknown scares me.  A lot.

I’m not sure why but it has always been like that.  I’m a planner.  I like to be in the know.  I like to know what’s going to happen.  I guess I’m a bit of a control freak.  And when I don’t know what’s going to happen, it scares me and it takes a lot of pushing for me to move forward.  That doesn’t mean I don’t ever move.  It just takes some nudging.

I’m about to throw myself into the unknown some more.  And you’ll find that I do intentionally do this on my own sometime.  This is so I can grow.  Difficult situations build character.  Exploration and risks take boldness.  Sometimes it takes doing something uncomfortable to be more comfortable.  Sometimes, I have to venture into the unknown.  And while I may be reluctant to, I know it’s for the better.

Sometimes I just won’t.  And I think it’s okay too.  Sometimes it just takes time.

But right now, right now, I’m throwing myself into the unknown and I’m scared.  I shouldn’t be scared, but I am.  I shouldn’t be scared because I should trust.  Because if it is what God wants, He’ll get me there.  I just need to be reminded of that.  How can you be afraid of something that might be good?

I went to my first meet up earlier this evening – Geek Girl’s Tech Talk.  They basically had a panel of women who worked within the tech industry in startups.  It was pretty interesting being able to listen to the experiences of these people.  It was also cool to meet other women in the industry.  Although, I felt a little odd since nearly everyone I met was an entrepreneur and were CEO’s or something flashy with their own company.  I also need to get some of my own business cards so I stop handing out my company affiliated cards.  It’s cool to talk to people and hear about what they do and their businesses.  Although, networking really sucks the life out of me.  I find these scenarios to be difficult to handle and somewhat uncomfortable.  I’m not that social.  A few times I found myself standing by myself – gah, that’s lame.  But anyway, networking is so important and I can totally see the value in it.  It’s pretty huge.  I was able to provide some of my insight and expertise (if you will) to this one lady who just started her business in November.  I liked hearing things about the tech industry and networking is pretty important so I think I might have to attend these things more often.

Things I need to do:

• Get personalized business cards
• Fix my website
• Be more social

Next Sunday, I’m running the Susan G Komen 5K Race for the Cure.  The last time I did a 5K race (non-obstacle, non-Exodus) was back in 2006 with a bunch of college friends.  A couple of them did the half marathon and the rest of us just did the 5K.  At that time, I had said I would never do a 5K again.  Why?  Well, because I hate running.  Funny thing is that I’ve been working out and running in the past few months and well, hard to believe, but I don’t actually hate running.  I think I ran almost 3 miles today.  Maybe 2.75 or a little less.  I feel like running 1 mile is actually much easier now.  I still remember a few months ago I couldn’t even make it to MOL’s house which is about 1 mile away.  But I felt like when I ran it at Breen, it was pretty easy.  So, as referenced by my previous post about the 2006 5K, my time was 31:56.  This time I aim to run it under 30 minutes.  That’s actually going to be tough.  I’m going to have to run at roughly a 9:40 pace.  There’s going to be so many people and so many walkers.  And I have to run faster.  I think right now I’m still running slightly over 10 minutes a mile.  Anyway, it’s about 1 week away, so to prepare some more, we’re going to go run 5K on Sunday.  Crazy, this running business.  :)  At least I feel somewhat fitter than I used to.  =P

• I’m getting a weird vibe about things…I don’t like the feeling.
• I’ve been handed a lot of lemons.  First, it squirt me in the eye.  Now I’m trying to make lemonade.
• Too much undue stress.
• It’s all about circumstances and where you see yourself fit and how it positions yourself.  I think I’m in a better position now.  Be for me and I’ll be for you.  Perhaps an answered prayer in disguise.
• I finally know what it feels like to crave working out.
• It’s strange that the presence of some people can set the tone in the room.
• Don’t know how I’m going to keep working out since it’s getting dark earlier now.
• I’d like to put my printed photos in my album or picture frames.
• I should really set up the printer.
• I think I’m becoming more insensitive.
• Praying that my bro gets a job.
• I’m such a brand whore when it comes to athletic apparel.
• Too many things to manage in life, too many people to deal with.

Does it scare you to think that you’ve made it somewhere to realize shortly after that you’re not welcome?  It scares me to know that the one person that provided so much hope for everyone didn’t make it.  If they can’t make it, how can we?  What is our fate?  Sigh.

Disclaimer: This is about MANY things and MORE — please do not make assumptions.

You.  Me.  Her.  Him.  Them.  Us.

In the end, we’re all the same.  Pick your battles.  You lose.  I lose.  Someone will settle, someone always does.  Why?  Who cares?  No one does.  Wrong answer.  Someone does.  What are the stakes?  We try to preserve our pride, our selfishness, our worth, our face.  What’s right?  What’s wrong?  Why does it matter…to you? to me?  It doesn’t matter which side you’re on because at the end of the day – we’ve lost it all – we’ve become too absorbed. Critical.  Is it worth anything?  Miscommunication drives–your problems–mine.  Don’t assume.

The thing that can save us–grace.  Would you have any to give?  Do I?  Who wants to extend some grace? Take a step back–look at the big picture.  Can you see it?  Now go back in–now what?

—

No, I don’t want to talk about anything.  Don’t ask.

This thought comes to my mind on occasion and I can’t recall if I’ve written about it before.  I feel like colleges do not do a good job of preparing their graduates for the real world.  Actually, long ago, I read this article that talked about how high school students are more prepared for the real world than college students are.  In high school – you stick to a strict schedule of being at school starting at 7 or 8 till 3 or 4 and if you have athletics, you usually are practicing till the early evening.  There are rules to follow and things to do.  In college, you get to select your classes – only a few hours a day, you can schedule them late in the day, or not at all.  You can even skip class or even fall asleep with little consequence.  There’s a lot of freedom.  So, when you first get to the real world, I think it’s hard for people to adapt to such rules and scheduling.

Aside from schedules and rules, I feel like college does a poor job of giving students a full or at least wide spectrum of possible careers available out in the real world other than the more commonly known occupations like doctors, lawyers, teachers, psychologists, engineers, etc.  The working world is wide and vast with jobs people probably never knew existed.  College also does not prepare students on how to get a job, how to set up a resume, how to network, how to get internships, how to go to an interview.  Sure, they offer these things in the career center, but that is only useful if you go there on your own.  Instead, they should have mandatory classes on these topics.  They should partner with businesses around and set students up to intern or shadow to learn about all the different types of jobs out there.  This will give them a better idea of 1) what is available and 2) what it actually entails.

Maybe some majors are better than others.  I feel like maybe the science field is good but others aren’t.  Also, college needs to be more hands on.  (Actually, now as I’m writing this, I feel like I already wrote about it before, haha – oh well, I don’t to dig or delete this.)  A large part of new grads having difficulties getting a job include the lack of experience.  Well, it’s a bit circular here, some internships or jobs require previous experience – well you can’t get experience if no one will hire you – and on and on it goes.

I think my line of work is pretty awesome and it’s pretty neat.  Does anyone in college even know about it?  Probably not.  Do normal consumers even know about it?  Probably not.  How did I get into it?  Well, not through college! Haha.

Anyway, college needs to improve so that students can be better prepared for the real world.

The end.

Lately, my mind has been running…fast.  Can’t stop thinking.  Too many things going on.  Too many things…that are kind of just overwhelming me.  Unfortunately, much of what’s on my mind are things that are bothering me.  It’s a long list.

Some of these things will resolve over time.  The other things are minor things that I’m irked by simply because I’m bothered by these larger “will resolve over time” things.

Vague I know.  Oh well.

Earlier this evening, I went out with a few friends to have a nice sushi dinner, something I haven’t had in awhile.  We had ordered a large amount of food for the 4 of us.  Just to give you an idea: 3 rolls, 1 sashimi dinner, 1 shrimp and veggie tempura dinner, and some spinach appetizer.  The dinners both came with miso soup and a salad and there was also some edamame, rice, and an eggroll (just 1).

This sashimi dinner was some good stuff.  5 types of fish with 3 pieces each.  My friend Bryan (with a silent B) was really looking forward to the sashimi right from the beginning.  He had the plate next to him and kept offering us some and telling us he really wanted us to try it.  So we did, we all tried the different types of fish.  Something I couldn’t help but notice was that every time he took some, he would slice the piece in half instead of taking the whole sashimi.  Wow!  I thought to myself – he is soo nice and considerate of others to only take a small portion so that more of us could try the fish – especially since there were only 3 pieces of each and 4 of us.  The rest of us, well, every time we took a piece, we just took the whole piece!  Also, Bryan (with a silent B) would always flip his chopsticks to the backside whenever he sliced the fish so as not to get his “germs” on the rest of the food.  The rest of us just put our chopsticks all over the food!  Wow, Bryan (with a silent B) is really a considerate guy.

It’s so nice to see that there are considerate people out there.  It’s definitely a quality that everyone should have.  To be considerate is really a form of being selfless – to put others first.  Perhaps if everyone practiced being considerate to others, there might actually be less conflict, less miscommunication, and a little more peace.

Here’s to you Bryan (with a silent B)!  Maybe we could all learn a little from you. :)