I’m back to that place on the cliffs. We had carved our names upon the rock-the night you first told me you loved me. But it’s been another summer-it’s been another year. And you’re not here. I guess you didn’t love me-that much. I trace my fingers along our fading names-I’ll carve it over again. And next to it I will write-I never stopped loving you.
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Slowing Down
I like going to cafes and chatting. I used to do it pretty frequently and now it rarely happens. I enjoy taking the time to just sit and relax. I miss just talking about life. People are so busy and so rushed these days. We forget to take the time to slow down and just be in the moment for awhile. Do we always need to be doing something? Can’t we just sit around, chat, and reminisce? I feel like most people get so caught up that we forget to just pause and think about or observe something else. We miss all the little things that are part of this world. I enjoy the moments where my eye does catch the sunset, where I stop and look at it instead of just letting it pass by. I enjoy the little things that just make you smile. I enjoy hearing little kids have conversations with each other and observing the innocence. There are some things that occur that just make me a little happier, a little calmer, a little more peaceful. Maybe “I enjoy” or “I like” is the wrong way to describe it, but these are the things that make me think. Watching people hold the doors for each other. Seeing people so willing to help. Noticing how brightly colored the flowers are. Getting lost in the music. Taking a second look at that photograph and reminiscing. I think seeing and observing things like this help us slow down a little. I think we need to slow down a little. It’s easy to get lost in the motions. Take a breathe and begin to think and see differently. Explore a different part of life.
Gift of Hope
Feeling..accomplished. :)
I took off not knowing how far I’d get. But I made it in and I made it through.
The gift of hope. Happy Easter!
Someday…
It’s a strange feeling; a strange experience. There are things I want to do. That’s right, there are actually things that I want to do. But I can’t seem to bring myself to do them. These things range from small things to big things, meaningful things to less meaningful things. The point is I want to do them, but I can’t. I can do all the research. Or live the imagination. I can picture it all in my head. I can see the scenario and I can play it out. However, I can’t seem to get there. The reasons? They’re usually not good, but they are strong enough to make me stop, to keep things a “dream” rather than a reality. Often times I feel like I live in a snow globe because most of the time I feel like I’m watching myself from the outside. I will overcome. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday…
catch your breath
hit the wall
scream out loud
as you start to crawl
back in your cage
the only place
where they will
leave you alone
cause the weak will seek the weaker till they’ve broken them
could you get it back again
would it be the same
fulfillment to their lack of strength at your expense
left you with no defense
they tore it down
and I have felt the same
as you I’ve felt the same
as you I’ve felt the same
locked inside
the only place
where you feel sheltered
where you feel safe
you lost yourself
in your search to find
something else to hide behind
cause the fearful always preyed upon your confidence
didn’t they see the consequence
they pushed you around
the arrogant build kingdoms made of the different ones
breaking them till they’ve become
just another crown
and I have felt the same
as you I’ve felt the same
as you I’ve felt the same
as you I’ve felt the same
refuse to feel
anything at all
refuse to slip
refuse to fall
can’t be weak
can’t stand still
watch your back
cause no one will
you don’t know why they had to go this far
traded your worth for these scars
for your only company
and don’t believe the lies that they have told to you
not one word was true
you’re alright
you’re alright
you’re alright
and I have felt the same
as you I’ve felt the same
as you I’ve felt the same
as you I’ve felt the same
Simon – Lifehouse
The Mind is Weak
My imagination is only capable of living freely in my dreams. This and that. Here and there. Only in my head.
I’m struggling…to live. How hard is it to live? It’s pretty hard to live when the only place you do it is inside your mind.
—
Someone hit my parked car. That’s the second time. In the same spot. It’s not that bad this time. Just a big scrape. No note. What is wrong with people?
—
My mind is weak.
Callahizzle
Wednesday’s are Callahan’s nights. What do I like about Callahan’s? I like that when there are no open tables and the manager sees us, he seats us as soon as one opens up, ahead of everyone else. I like that our waitress is super funny and nice. I like that she knows what we want to order already and hooks us up with free drinks. I think its pretty freaking awesome. My favorite part is when we walk in and the place is completely packed and they just cleared off a table in Ruth’s section and we get seated right away. Oh the fun.
Thoughts of Late
It’s hard to think that two of my good friends are no longer in San Diego. I can’t just call them and be like, “let’s go do this”. I can’t just go over to their place. It’s a little weird that its so sudden but it seems like you can’t really “prepare” for things like this. Opportunities open up and people take them, nothing wrong with that, they should. I’m going to miss hanging out with them.
It’s allergy time. I went to the park today and came home all sniffly and sneezy. I was thinking maybe its just the grass. But I have showered already so I don’t know what it is. Maybe it will go away tomorrow. Or maybe its one of those allergy things that I get. It turns into runny noses in the mornings, every morning. It’s really bizarre and very annoying. Hopefully this will be gone in the morning.
Just Because You’re Angry…
Something that bothers me a lot is when people are all angry or pissed off about something and then act like an ass towards other people. It’s fine to be angry and pissed off. It’s fine to mope and it’s also fine to vent. But it’s not okay to be an ass and treat other people like crap. If you need to be alone, say so. If you need to talk to someone, then say so. Whatever it is, just don’t let your emotions make you act like a jerk.
Randomness
I’ve been feeling kind of sick lately, but I’m hoping to feel better soon. I haven’t been able to sleep through the night which is very frustrating. Last night I woke up just before 4am and pretty much just laid there with my eyes wide open because I couldn’t sleep. Other times I keep moving around and waking up abruptly. It’s strange and I hope it stops.
Other than that, its been good. The weekend was a lot of fun. Just hanging out with good friends.
I was thinking and I realize I finally have some “favorite” things. Although I just forgot all the ones I was going to name. Favorite author: Mitch Albom. That’s right, you read that correctly, I said author. I really like his books. I’m trying to find a new book to read, but I haven’t been successful because I’m not exactly sure how to describe or find the type of books I like. Alright, well I forgot all the other favorites, but when I remember, I will post them here.
Yep that’s all for tonight.
And to finish it off with a song that I like. The lyrics remind me of Leeann Womack’s, “I Hope You Dance”. It’s so hopeful, so….true.
Rascal Flatts – My Wish
I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you want to go,
And if you’re faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin’ till you find the window,
If it’s cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,
But more than anything, more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you’re out there getting where you’re getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God’s grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more than you take.
But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you’re out there getting where you’re getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
Dream-like
I was browsing through old pictures last night. Felt a little bit of nostalgia.
—
For awhile I had stopped thinking, but its back. I’m thinking more and I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing. Thinking about people, about things people do and don’t do, thinking about life, thinking about the past, the future, the present, and thinking about things I imagine happening but will never happen.
—
Written about a year ago was this:
Ever wonder if you’ve made a difference in someones life. One of things I want to happen is for me to say something so profound and so powerful to someone that it will make them change their way of life, their way of living, for the better. If I’ve ever said something to you to make you think, to make you change, to make you realize, to influence you to find something better, to work harder, to be stronger, to be motivated, then I have succeeded. Sometimes I do hope that I make a difference.
I may have partially done that.
—
Turn on the music and let me return to a dream-like state…