Category Archives: Uncategorized

02.16.07
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Addiction

It’s like cigarettes. No, I don’t smoke. But its like it. You know how smokers sometimes NEED a cigarette when they’re stressing. I need something too. I need a soda. I know it sounds odd but its true. I’m also a gum junkie. I opened a new pack of gum yesterday. 14 pieces total. I gave 2 away and now there are only 3 pieces left. So between yesterday and today I chewed more than half the pack by myself! Also as I was stressing out at work today, I needed a soda. It’s like fuel. Indeed it did make me feel a little better.

02.13.07
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Wondering

My mind is very dreamlike. I imagine things all the time. I imagine things that I want to do, things that I might never do, and sometimes just things. Sometimes I wonder its the subconscious telling me that I really want to do those things.

Sometimes I wonder about all the people I see, people I haven’t met. Could they be like the people I already know? Because after all, the people you’ve met were once those you haven’t met and you ended up getting along with them. There must be more of them. Then again, when you see random people in the grocery store or at the mall, you don’t know how they are. Doesn’t it make you wonder?

02.09.07
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Bored

Oh, so if you are using the new blogger you don’t get the option to ftp. That’s lame.

I suck at basketball. I still don’t feel like I’m at full strength yet. All my shots are short. I get tired very easily. That may be due to being out of shape and still not fully recovered.

Why am I actually aware of Valentine’s Day this year? I’m usually not.

I need to make a list of things to do. Things that I haven’t done before or things that I haven’t done too often. Go places and have fun.

I like sunny days. The office is stuffy and outside is very nice.

This is boring.

02.07.07
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Sweetness

The apartment is dimly lit with two clear sky scented pillar candles. The music hums softly in the background. I disturb the harmony for just a moment and pop open a can of Coca-Cola. Coca-Cola. None of that nasty red wine you used to make me drink because you told me sophisticated people did so. I’m not as sophisticated as you and I don’t want to be; I just want to be me. Tonight, my drink tastes a little sweeter. And my heart; is doing just fine without yours.

02.03.07
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We All Have Issues

“Clearly, she has issues.” But what’s even clearer is that she’s not the only one who does. I have issues. Everyone. Everyone has issues. I believe there is truth to the saying “you are your own worst critic”. We feel our imperfection. But we often forget, no one is perfect. We also forget that just because we aren’t satisfied with ourselves, that people out there look completely past the way we look. They are our friends because they like our personality, not because they like the way we look. They are our boyfriends and our husbands that still like/love us no matter how we look. But we still and we can complain about our weight, our thighs, our stomachs, our breasts, our height, our arms, or our faces. But remember, someone else out there is complaining about the same thing. And someone else out there, frankly doesn’t care, because they like you just the way you are.

Something we should all believe in…

02.01.07
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Weak

I have had comments from people that I look skinnier. I guess I can’t be too surprised because I did lose a large amount of weight from being sick. That’s not a very good way to do it. I am feeling better but still in no shape to play basketball. I played again tonight, it was better that last week but very far from when I feel normal. My muscles were so weak, it was like I couldn’t feel them when I tried to shoot the ball or run fast. I would try really hard to run fast or shoot harder but it wasn’t like that at all. Hopefully I get better soon.

Is there a boundary between work and personal life? If so, where is it at?

01.27.07
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Still Sick

I went to the doctor. There was no diagnosis. But they did take 4 tubes of blood from me! They’re testing me for all kinds of things. I’ll know the results on Monday. They said if anything was crazy they would call me over the weekend. I hope I don’t get a call over the weekend.

When they were measuring my blood pressure, the machine kept stopping and beeping. The nurse asked if I was alright. She told me to relax and breathe in with my nose and out with my mouth. I did. The machine stopped again. She told me to sit back and once again breathe in with my nose and out with my mouth. Machine stopped again. She had me stand up and same thing. She asked if I had trouble breathing. She asked if I had shortness of breathe. I told her no. She said there wasn’t enough oxygen. Finally it recorded my blood pressure. It also took my pulse. I didn’t know what my pulse was until I looked at the paper. I thought it was weird that the nurse asked if my heart was beating fast. My pulse was a very high 119. That’s kinda disturbing.

One thing I didn’t mention to the nurse was that I get nervous. Whenever my blood pressure is being measured, I am very aware of my breathing and often times, I just hold my breath.

So I’ve been very fatigued and weak lately. I have shaky hands. Loss of (a lot) weight. Loss of appetite. Headache. Nausea sometimes. Just feeling very messed up. I hope they figure out what the problem is soon and fix me. I hope its nothing serious.

My head actually isn’t feeling very good right now so I should head to bed.