After my poor performance at both practices the other night, W STILL wants me to play.  Wow!  He must really see something that I can’t see.

Man, I played 4 straight days of ball.  2 days of practice, 1 day of pickup, and 1 game tonight.  It actually feels good afterwards, but not during.  At the two practices, I was going to keel over.  Needed an oxygen mask or something.  Wow, I could not run.  I haven’t participated in basketball drills in 10 years!  Yes, literally 10 years.  Nor have I had to do conditioning.  Those full court shooting and passing drills really killed me.

I am easily intimidated.  There are some pretty good girls – some okay ones.  But you know what I don’t like.  I don’t like that people aren’t friendly.  People don’t say hi, people don’t smile.  Why so serious?  Ok, ok, it’s not that I’m friendly either.  But hey, my excuse is that I’m the outsider, it would really really help if people were more welcoming and encouraging.  But some girls look so hard core I just feel like I’m so sucky and shouldn’t be there.  Yes, I do care about what they think.  I’m so afraid of messing up, which would make me look more sucky, that I don’t do anything.  The few shots I took were so far off.

I’m not used to playing this fast speed basketball game where I need to shoot off the dribble, be running, jump stop and pop up.  I’m used to set shooting aka stand there, catch the ball, shoot.  That takes a lot of time, there isn’t a lot of time with these people.  I had so many airballs and ridiculously off (bounce off the side of the backboard) shots that it was embarrassing, I also couldn’t make a layup!  Sheesh.  :(

The other girls, one of the pretty good ones, just brings the ball down as point, pops a 3 at the top of the key.  And she kept doing it too.  Sometimes I wonder if the difference between me and these types of people is that they aren’t afraid to shoot it.  After all, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take, right?  Sigh.

It’s funny that they also took our photo and put it up on the website when we never even committed to the team!

I’m not even sure about what I want to do.  That’s a problem.  Do I want to play in this thing?  Because clearly, I have an opportunity.  They definitely haven’t found the full talent in SD so it’s pretty open right now.  There are only a few reasons why it would be good to play:  1) exercise like crazy (which I could use), 2) I can say that I played semi-pro ball! (LOL), 3) I could possibly improve my game (maybe).  Reasons to not play:  1) I’m really not that good compared to these people, 2) It’s a huge time commitment, 3) It’s also far!, 4) I’m really big on the buddy system and need either C or K to play too.

I already told W I’m not going to Vegas with them.  He says to still come out and practice.  You know, if I was those other girls, I wouldn’t want the 3 of us to play.  Haha.  Because, don’t you want dedicated people.  People who WANT to be there?  Not a bunch of unsure, question mark people.

Anyway, who knows what’s next.  I really really wish people were friendlier!

It’s funny, they put our photo up.

• I’m going tomorrow.  I’m still afraid.  I don’t know why I’m going.  I don’t know what to expect.  I don’t even know how I want it to turn out.  The unknown scares the crap out of me.
• We smile, nod, and pretend – yes, it’s unfortunate that we have to be that fake.
• Be thankful I’m not anorexic.

Ok yeah, I really think W has made a big mistake.  I am definitely NOT cut out for this crazy basketball thing.  Definitely not.  He has no idea.  He thinks I will step it up and play to the competition when the time comes.  Yeah no.  I think the most I will do is go and watch the scrimmage this weekend if they have one.

On the other hand, I told K about it and she is super interested.  C on the other hand was like, “um, that sounds super hardcore.”

K doesn’t think she’s good enough.  What the heck?  She’s so good!  Ha, that is kind of amusing.  W thinks I’m good and I don’t think that is true.  I think K is super good and she’s saying she’s not good enough.  It’s almost the same except in my case, it is true (I’m not good..that is).

I could not sleep last night.  I could not get my mind off of the psychology of confidence as it pertains to sports.

How do you counteract the cause when the cause overwhelms reason?

Not sure if that was even questioned correctly.

Trying to understand the psychology of confidence.

In the past few days or so, I’ve decided to be a little bit more conscious about my eating habits.  I’ve realized that this is actually REALLY HARD.  Haha.  I eat out a lot and by a lot I mean like 99% of the time.  So, while eating out, I should perhaps try to make some better choices about what I’m eating so that it’s a tad “healthier.”  I’ve come to the conclusion that eating healthy is really difficult and not fun at all! Haha.  I always like to look at the eat this not that on the web.  Eating out is basically ridiculously bad for you.  More than just bad, very bad!  So then, I should really try to eat more at home – eating a cooked meal at home – no matter what it is – is almost always going to be better than eating out – I think.  I should also try bringing my lunch to work – it saves money and is healthier – but I like eating out.

On Thursday night, I bought some stuff to make pasta from Trader Joe’s and when looking at the pasta decided I should try to be healthy and buy either wheat or brown rice pasta.  I’ve had wheat pasta and its gross so I tried the brown rice (which also turned out gross).  But anyway, I had it for lunch the next day and realized that when I bring my lunch – I end up being more hungry!  This is probably due to the serving amount is not as huge as when eating out and it’s obviously not as many calories as I’m used to eating.  So after 2 hours or so, I’m super hungry!  A medium size amount of pasta compared to a loaded chipotle bowl just isn’t the same.  :P  I do see now how people can eat 6 mini meals a day because I feel like that’s what I need to do to not be hungry.  Haha.

Also, cooking for myself is such a pain.  Cooking for other people is easy.  So, I’m going to try to cook at least 1-2 meals for dinner and maybe bring lunch once or twice a week.  Haha.

I need to lose weight.  It’s not fun when shorts that used to fit are now snug. :(

Good looking strangers can be intimidating.

I’m intrigued by tattoos which also means I kinda like them.  I really liked this flying birds silhouette tattoo I saw on this girl’s back the other day.  This is something like the one I saw.  I also like the the ones that wrap around the bicep but probably a little higher up.

I also kind of like piercings – well, more like I really like my cartilage piercing and I’ve thought about getting another before.  But because it hurt so much and got infected so many times, I’m a bit reluctant.  Then I also wonder how professional that looks.  I’ve also been thinking about getting a colored barbell instead of the silver one I have but I wonder if that will be “too much” for the office.  Probably not for my office – might be much for when I have to meet vendors or higher ups.  But hey, it adds personality!  I’m thinking about some type of blue – maybe an ice blue or something.  Look at some colors here!  What do you think?  I also can’t remember what gauge mine is.  I think it’s 16 or 18.  Fail.  Anyway, the likelihood of getting a new one is probably pretty low considering the factors listed above, the price, and it’s a freaking pain to put in.

The end.