09.20.10
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Take Charge

The ref pulled me aside and said, “you know what I’m going to tell you right?”  I wasn’t sure what to think…shoot more?  He always says that to me.  He said, “you need to take charge of the game.”  I just stared at him saying nothing.  We had just lost a game by about 5 points.  Normally I don’t even care about the score.  Most of the time I don’t even pay attention to who is winning but this night…I cared.  I cared and was sad/disappointed that we lost.  I cared because…I thought we should have won.  I thought we were better than the other team.  He said, “no one out here can guard you. Lead the team, take charge, control the game.”  I just nodded and went back to our team huddle.  I was feeling a bit discouraged because of the lost.  The refs words just kept resonating in my head.  It reminded me of…my timid basketball self back in high school.  It’s hard…it’s hard in this league.  It’s a rec league which I like but I also don’t want to get too crazy or be too forward or be too bossy or whatever it may be.  I don’t want to be THAT person.  So I hold back.  But apparently the ref thinks I need to do otherwise.

We had another game today.  Before the game, he pulled be aside again and he said, “remember what I told you last week?”  I just smiled at him and nodded.  “Take charge, I thought…”  It’s hard.  It also reminds me of football – the necessity to take charge.  It’s hard…it’s hard for me.  I don’t think of myself as a leader so it’s hard to “play the role”.  So I somewhat tried to just take charge and lead today.  We did win.  At the end of the game the ref said, “that’s what I’m talking about! Now bring it every week!”  Yikes…I don’t know if I can handle that.

I don’t know what to think.  Part of me wants to be able to “take charge and lead” but part of me is still afraid.

07.25.10
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Lifemaps

We’ve been doing Lifemaps at Exodus on and off for the past month or so and it’s pretty interesting.  I’ve never done a Lifemap before.  What is it?  You kind of just go through your whole life and take note of significant people during each part of your life, significant spiritual events, times that you felt pain/sadness, and just other major events.  You do this from birth to the present and you mark your emotional state of mind throughout the years.  This exercise is a very interesting one because it really makes you think.  It kind of shows what you really remember and tries to pinpoint the significant things that happened to you.

I think this exercise is actually really good because seldom do we (if ever), do this type of exercise.  I usually like to do this type of thing at the beginning of each new year to reflect on the previous but doing this for your whole life is totally different.  I think it’s always good to reflect and see how things/people/events have changed/shaped who you were.  It also shows what type of things people hold on to.  How often it seems that people so easily hold on to painful events.  Perhaps they are much easier to remember because you have to work so hard to get through them.

A few people have shared so far about their lifemaps, although I missed the first session cause I was so late. But just hearing from what people talk about and thinking about my own lifemap, I’ve come to the conclusion that people have a lot of emotional baggage.  We carry a lot of this with us even though it may not be on the surface.  It’s definitely remembered.

I haven’t decided or not whether I want to share my lifemap.  I feel like I missed a lot of things on it, obviously because there are a LOT of things that happen in life!  But I think its still good for me to think about it.  And I definitely think that hearing each other’s lifemap helps us learn more about each other.  It’s pretty neat to hear about people’s lives and stories.

Tell me your story.

06.24.10
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Pursuit

I feel like at Exodus, we talk a lot about pursuit.  Pursuing God, pursuing people.  Pursuit is a hard thing.  It’s hard because it needs to be intentional and it needs to be active.

Pursuing relationships with people…not the significant other kind but the friendship kind.

I have in the past couple of months or so started to get to know one of the girls at work more.  Through our conversations, I can’t help but feel like she is looking for something…for something more.  She’s not a Christian but she knows I am.  Sometimes the conversations we’ll have, she’ll just randomly ask me something related to religion.  Sometimes she talks about wanting to find other female friends just to have girl talk.  I don’t think she has anyone she is really close to.  At times I feel like she’s trying to find out more, yet at the same time she’s afraid.  Honestly, I’d be afraid too.

I don’t like mixing personal and professional life together but somehow it happens.  I’ve been trying to get her to come out to our church service.  I invited her to our exodus bbq which she actually came out to!  She was really hesitant about it….not knowing what to expect.  I know exactly how she feels….more on that some other time.

So I guess I can say I am somewhat on a pursuit.  I am pursuing a friendship with her.  To try to get to know her – to show her that we aren’t scary.  I don’t know her past experiences with people, church, or religion but I want her to feel comfortable and welcome.  I want her to be able to be free…because after all, that’s what is cool about exodus.  You are free to do what you want to do.  You want to come, then come.  You don’t, then don’t.  You want to say something, say it, you don’t, then don’t.  Sometimes she says, yeah church people are nice.  Yeah, church people are nice.  I want her to experience that.  I want her to experience the welcomeness, the freedom, and show her that we as a people, genuinely care about her.

So I pray and ask that you pray (if you read this) for her.  Pray that she will be open to new experiences (probably stuff far different than she’s used to), pray for her comfort and that she wouldn’t feel fearful.  Pray for us and me, that we would be openly welcoming, that we would be able to have wisdom to answer any questions she has, pray that she will come to meet a community that is legit, that cares, that she doesn’t have to worry or feel like we’ll judge her.  Pray that she would experience God in a big big way, that God would touch her heart in a way that only He can.  Thanks!